It's amazing where life can take you. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. Sometimes it's so confusing you don't know how to feel and the only choice you have is to go with the flow. For example: Could you believe that 7 months ago, my mom was still doing chemo? That 7 months ago, my mom had no hair. Seven months ago, my sister was a senior in college. A little over seven months ago, I had just started losing weight. The purpose of this post is to clue people in on how important it is to live your life to the fullest without compromising your morals or hurting people along the way.
My mom has been "inflated" to the point she's pretty happy. As a matter of fact, her boobs look better than mine. LOL. She's been in remission since June 7th. She was one of the lucky ones. I thought it was no big deal and so what it had already spread to her lymph nodes, the doctors would fix it and they did. Then, a good friend of mine's girlfriend was diagnosed with lung cancer around 3-4 months ago. Three weeks ago, they gave her 4-6 weeks to live. She passed last Monday, August 30th. That's how fast it spread. Wanna know how they found out about it? Her hips started hurting. She went to the doctor for hip pain she just couldn't shake. They found a mass on her lungs and determined it had already spread to her bones (which was causing the hip pain)...the rest is history. She was the same age as my mom.
I have moved in with my parents since the divorce. For some reason, the emotional stress is hitting Scott and I harder now than it did from about that week before the divorce was final until it actually was final June 1st. We're pretty good friends. It seems to be easier for him to find someone worth it to take his mind off of everything. He works in a bar and keeps himself busy. I try to keep myself busy, but it sucks to hear some of the things he tells me. I'm so picky. If they've burnt the bridge in the past, forget it. If they've already lied to me, even if it was trivial, forget about it. If they've disrespected me, I don't think so. If they've tried to compete with Scott for some stupid reason, DEFINITELY FORGET ABOUT IT...they can't be themselves if they're trying to be Scott. The guys I could even begin to have an inkling of an interest for are either taken or supposedly so screwed up they can't see a great thing in front of them if I hit 'em with a ten ton brick. Then there's those arrogant guys who insist they're just "confident" - "God's gift to women," "Ladies men,"...more like MANWHORES with Napoleon Complexes...I'd say they have Little Man's Syndrome, but I wouldn't touch any of them with someone else's 10-foot pole to figure out if it were true or not.
The good news is, I've started my own business. Orb Clothing - Apparel Printing. I've even got a group page on Facebook. It's keeping me pretty busy during the week, which is probably a good thing since the rumor is the Whiteland VFW is about to shut down. I love bartending. It's my calling and I'm DAMN good at it too! In the meantime, if y'all hear of an opening, let me know. Those of you that know me, know there's no chance in Hell I'd let ya down.
I lost some more weight too. 70 pounds in about 8 months or so...35 inches body-wide...I weighed 200 lbs when I started going through all this shit. Well, I stopped weighing myself at 200 lbs because I couldn't handle it anymore. Currently, I weight 130 lbs and I feel like a million dollars, physically. Now catching up the mental part is the toughest. I was looking at pictures of Raigen on my mom's Facebook page tonight from two Easter's ago. I started bawling. I remember being too tired and hurting all over from trying to help Raigen with her first Easter egg hunt. I remember being at home and just wanting to take naps. I remember not having the energy to take her outside and play. The pool videos are the only videos I have of her when she was a baby and I had to force myself to drink 6 cups of coffee and take my pain meds from a tooth ache I'd had earlier that week to get the energy up to take her outside and play with her. I worked with her inside a lot, I guess. We did puzzles together when she was barely a year old. We had a lot of craft times. She new most of her colors by the time she was a year old and her shapes by the time she hit 14 months old. I have flash cards for everything and when I can't work with her personally, Leap Frog toys are a God-send. I just feel like I hindered her in some way because I was so freaking fat. I was disgusting. I couldn't take RJ on a walk without being out of breath. I always had heart burn. My stomach always hurt. I was miserable. I'm ecstatic I made my goals, but it gets offensive when people tell me now I'm too skinny. They didn't feel like they missed the entire beginning of their only daughter's childhood because they were too fat and lazy to even take care of themselves. Want proof? Check out either mine or my mom's Facebook pics and videos...
I am proud of what I've done. I've started a new life, possibly a better one. I've got my own business. I have friends and one of them, I haven't seen in almost 10 years yet it seems like we never missed a beat. Raigen is about to turn three years old on October 4th. My sister gets old on October 28th. My best gf's bday is November 20th and about 90% of the people I know will forget my birthday because of all the commotion with it being on Thanksgiving this year...maybe it'll be Scott's holiday to have RJ and I can just get wasted...damn Turkeys...
My heart does go out to my sister. I think she may be just as confused as I am, but for a different situation. She needs a job, but doesn't know what to do. I know about art, but not as extensively as she does to be able to help her. She wants to stay close to all of us, but she misses her boyfriend in Evansville. She doesn't get to see him much now that she's graduated - she got her diploma in the mail today! - and I am sure all of this is really hard on her. She even came into my room tonight to try to get some answers outta me to see what she should do. I'm stumped for her...and that RARELY happens to me. It also doesn't help her dog got put to sleep.
I know life works out the way it should, I just wish I could get out a little more, yet I want to work and make money so I can get my own place with more privacy and quietness and do things they way I wanna do 'em. The only way for me to do that, is to find a BETTER bartending job. The only way to do that, is to find the time to go looking for one. Maybe next week I'll get the chance. So far, I don't have any Orb orders to fill...or, who knows, maybe Orb will take off enough I can get my clothing line out there sooner than expected...as long as my Little Red is taken care of and I'm mostly happy where I am at, life could definitely be worse!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
My Mother's Journey Through Breast Cancer: Radiation to the Present
I can't hold it in so I'm gonna have to skip around a little bit - SHE'S DONE WITH ALL THERAPY TREATMENTS!!!!!!!!!
Radiation was a breeze other than it lasted 5-6 weeks Monday thru Friday and the severe burns it caused on her skin. She had to have special deodorant and lotion to ease the itching and awkward smells - lol...
My mom also quit smoking for good! I quit too, but it's been pretty rough. I thank the good Lord every day for Scott and I getting along better since the divorce because I am having troubles with the smoking. But anyways, it ain't about me...LMFAO!
There were a couple weeks Mom had run out of her anti-depressant and went 48 hours without sleep - TWICE - and that combined with quitting smoking, plus the fact her and I don't always see eye to eye...yeeeeeeah, you can just about guess there were a few blowups. She recognized something wasn't right and she asked for her to be put back on the meds herself. I have to admit that was my proudest moment of her! She recognized things were rough, not only for her, but for all the people around her when she wasn't on the anti-depressants. All is good now. She starts her implant "inflation" on Thursday of this week, hopefully. All us girls (and my Dad) are trying to convince her that she'll be happier with C's instead of small B's like she had before. I don't care, I just want her to be happy. Well, I don't care as long as she doesn't go all Pamela Anderson on me...
She's actually on a hormone therapy now. The drug is called Tamoxifen. She has to be on it for, at least, five years. Even though she has gone through menopause because of the chemotherapy, the Tamoxifen can cause her to go through menopause, again. It can even cause her to start her periods again, which is actually a BAD sign, according to Doctor Mayer. As far as Doctor Mayer is concerned though, Mom will not have to be on the Tamoxifen for the rest of her life. This is, however, something we have to take in stride.
Mom has started back to work. I think she feels more normal again. Her hair is really, REALLY, REALLY curly now. It makes me jealous even though my hair is rather curly too. She seems happier and attended the Relay for Life in Mooresville because she felt terrible during the Komen for the Cure event. She can actually pick Raigen up, which she hasn't been able to do in almost a year because of the cancer treatments and surgeries. She has been a trooper and has made it through a lot. Honestly, the hardest part for her, in my opinion, was that the people she thought would and should care about what she's going through, didn't and the people she'd even forgot about came out of the woodwork and supported her through and through!
We've been having a Girl's Night with Polly Newlin, Patty McGowan and Sandy Tristler once a month. Mom has loved every single second of it. It's good for all of us to hang out together considering all the history involved. Next Girl's Night - July 12th at Polly's house...because Applebee's is WAY too family oriented for us...ROTFLMFAO!!!!!
Radiation was a breeze other than it lasted 5-6 weeks Monday thru Friday and the severe burns it caused on her skin. She had to have special deodorant and lotion to ease the itching and awkward smells - lol...
My mom also quit smoking for good! I quit too, but it's been pretty rough. I thank the good Lord every day for Scott and I getting along better since the divorce because I am having troubles with the smoking. But anyways, it ain't about me...LMFAO!
There were a couple weeks Mom had run out of her anti-depressant and went 48 hours without sleep - TWICE - and that combined with quitting smoking, plus the fact her and I don't always see eye to eye...yeeeeeeah, you can just about guess there were a few blowups. She recognized something wasn't right and she asked for her to be put back on the meds herself. I have to admit that was my proudest moment of her! She recognized things were rough, not only for her, but for all the people around her when she wasn't on the anti-depressants. All is good now. She starts her implant "inflation" on Thursday of this week, hopefully. All us girls (and my Dad) are trying to convince her that she'll be happier with C's instead of small B's like she had before. I don't care, I just want her to be happy. Well, I don't care as long as she doesn't go all Pamela Anderson on me...
She's actually on a hormone therapy now. The drug is called Tamoxifen. She has to be on it for, at least, five years. Even though she has gone through menopause because of the chemotherapy, the Tamoxifen can cause her to go through menopause, again. It can even cause her to start her periods again, which is actually a BAD sign, according to Doctor Mayer. As far as Doctor Mayer is concerned though, Mom will not have to be on the Tamoxifen for the rest of her life. This is, however, something we have to take in stride.
Mom has started back to work. I think she feels more normal again. Her hair is really, REALLY, REALLY curly now. It makes me jealous even though my hair is rather curly too. She seems happier and attended the Relay for Life in Mooresville because she felt terrible during the Komen for the Cure event. She can actually pick Raigen up, which she hasn't been able to do in almost a year because of the cancer treatments and surgeries. She has been a trooper and has made it through a lot. Honestly, the hardest part for her, in my opinion, was that the people she thought would and should care about what she's going through, didn't and the people she'd even forgot about came out of the woodwork and supported her through and through!
We've been having a Girl's Night with Polly Newlin, Patty McGowan and Sandy Tristler once a month. Mom has loved every single second of it. It's good for all of us to hang out together considering all the history involved. Next Girl's Night - July 12th at Polly's house...because Applebee's is WAY too family oriented for us...ROTFLMFAO!!!!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
My Mother's Journey Through Breast Cancer: Another Surgery
Ok. Same shit, different day...bummer dude...
My mom is STILL not healing the way she should be. She should've already started radiation. She should've already been almost done with radiation. Instead, she has a surface infection and has to have another surgery today. They are opening her up, taking everything out, cutting out the infection, rinsing everything off and putting it all back in - minus the infection, of course. Once she has this surgery, she'll have two weeks to get mostly healed and start radiation. If she doesn't, what cancer cells they might have missed during the mastectomies will have already started to grow again. They won't repeat the chemo this close together, so she just has to chance relapsing.
It's just a simple two-hour, general surgery, today. It is supposed to be an outpatient surgery, but we've encountered "supposedly-s" all throughout this ordeal and are not getting our hopes up. Here's the kicker...I love Doctor Lee. He's definitely my favorite out of all mom's doctors. However, he failed to realize mom was on a steroid for most of her chemo and a little after. This whole time Doctor Lee and Doctor Mayer were trying to say it was her smoking that was causing the delayed healing, but in fact, it was the steroid. Did Doctor Lee actually admit this? Not in so many words, but he did inform us that steroids could cause delayed healing. He didn't catch this steroid fact until last week...pretty pissy, ay? Duh.
Good news is, she's quit smoking. Isn't always in a good mood, sometimes she won't shut up because she's used to smoking and talking so she talks longer and faster to keep er mind off it - LMAO - but she's quit...for now. If she can't get healed enough to do the radiation she'll start smoking again. I don't blame her. A body can only take so much and look at all the freaking crap she's been through! This is such bullshit...
Tracey and I have to start getting tested at 38. How did we come to this conclusion? My mom was 48 when she was diagnosed. You subtract 10 years from the age your family member was diagnosed. If that number is under 40, you get checked at that age. If not, you can wait until you're at least 40.
You know what else sucks for my mom? Scott and I are getting a divorce. She's asked if it was her fault. It's definitely NOT her fault. The fact she would ask, brings me to tears. If anything, her situation helped me grow, unfortunately at her expense. Scott and I just grew in different directions, I guess. Isn't life interesting?
Wish my mom luck...she's gonna need it...
***UPDATE 4/8/10***
My mom ended up having to stay in the hospital overnight. My mom was supposed to be Doctor Lee's second case of the day, but they needed to move his first case up and his third case back in scheduling. Apparently, which shouldn't have been a surprise to us, they didn't do either. So they take my mom back into pre-op and start doing their thing. We get to go see her before her surgery and they give her some valium. They told us they were moving her time up, so they were all rushing around to get her ready in time. They told us she was going back so we went to get some lunch (thanks to my Uncle Rick, by the way, because he bought us lunch). They come running up the stairs trying to catch us. They informed us that scheduling was screwed up so after my mom had just been through all that, they were going to make her wait 2 1/2 hours!
I was pissed. I had moved softball practice to 3:30 and made my girls wait for no reason at all. As a matter of fact, I found out after my practice that my mom didn't even get into surgery until 3:15. I think there is seriously something wrong with the people who take care of the clerical stuff like scheduling in that hospital. There is always something with St. Francis, scheduling, handwriting, lying, bitches...ALWAYS. Thank God for somewhat decent doctors.
Anyway, because she finished her surgery so late, Doctor Lee suggested she stay the night. They ended up only taking her right side completely out, washing it and replacing the cadaver expander. On the left side, they only cut out the surface infection. Mom got home around noon today. Since she didn't have to have all of her breast tissue scraped out this time, she isn't in as much pain. She's doing well and resting, but nothing is keeping her from going to my sister's games...she insists on going tomorrow. I don't blame her. It IS my sister's senior year.
My mom is STILL not healing the way she should be. She should've already started radiation. She should've already been almost done with radiation. Instead, she has a surface infection and has to have another surgery today. They are opening her up, taking everything out, cutting out the infection, rinsing everything off and putting it all back in - minus the infection, of course. Once she has this surgery, she'll have two weeks to get mostly healed and start radiation. If she doesn't, what cancer cells they might have missed during the mastectomies will have already started to grow again. They won't repeat the chemo this close together, so she just has to chance relapsing.
It's just a simple two-hour, general surgery, today. It is supposed to be an outpatient surgery, but we've encountered "supposedly-s" all throughout this ordeal and are not getting our hopes up. Here's the kicker...I love Doctor Lee. He's definitely my favorite out of all mom's doctors. However, he failed to realize mom was on a steroid for most of her chemo and a little after. This whole time Doctor Lee and Doctor Mayer were trying to say it was her smoking that was causing the delayed healing, but in fact, it was the steroid. Did Doctor Lee actually admit this? Not in so many words, but he did inform us that steroids could cause delayed healing. He didn't catch this steroid fact until last week...pretty pissy, ay? Duh.
Good news is, she's quit smoking. Isn't always in a good mood, sometimes she won't shut up because she's used to smoking and talking so she talks longer and faster to keep er mind off it - LMAO - but she's quit...for now. If she can't get healed enough to do the radiation she'll start smoking again. I don't blame her. A body can only take so much and look at all the freaking crap she's been through! This is such bullshit...
Tracey and I have to start getting tested at 38. How did we come to this conclusion? My mom was 48 when she was diagnosed. You subtract 10 years from the age your family member was diagnosed. If that number is under 40, you get checked at that age. If not, you can wait until you're at least 40.
You know what else sucks for my mom? Scott and I are getting a divorce. She's asked if it was her fault. It's definitely NOT her fault. The fact she would ask, brings me to tears. If anything, her situation helped me grow, unfortunately at her expense. Scott and I just grew in different directions, I guess. Isn't life interesting?
Wish my mom luck...she's gonna need it...
***UPDATE 4/8/10***
My mom ended up having to stay in the hospital overnight. My mom was supposed to be Doctor Lee's second case of the day, but they needed to move his first case up and his third case back in scheduling. Apparently, which shouldn't have been a surprise to us, they didn't do either. So they take my mom back into pre-op and start doing their thing. We get to go see her before her surgery and they give her some valium. They told us they were moving her time up, so they were all rushing around to get her ready in time. They told us she was going back so we went to get some lunch (thanks to my Uncle Rick, by the way, because he bought us lunch). They come running up the stairs trying to catch us. They informed us that scheduling was screwed up so after my mom had just been through all that, they were going to make her wait 2 1/2 hours!
I was pissed. I had moved softball practice to 3:30 and made my girls wait for no reason at all. As a matter of fact, I found out after my practice that my mom didn't even get into surgery until 3:15. I think there is seriously something wrong with the people who take care of the clerical stuff like scheduling in that hospital. There is always something with St. Francis, scheduling, handwriting, lying, bitches...ALWAYS. Thank God for somewhat decent doctors.
Anyway, because she finished her surgery so late, Doctor Lee suggested she stay the night. They ended up only taking her right side completely out, washing it and replacing the cadaver expander. On the left side, they only cut out the surface infection. Mom got home around noon today. Since she didn't have to have all of her breast tissue scraped out this time, she isn't in as much pain. She's doing well and resting, but nothing is keeping her from going to my sister's games...she insists on going tomorrow. I don't blame her. It IS my sister's senior year.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
MY JOURNEY Through My Mother's Breast Cancer: Weight Loss
There is so much I could put here. I'll just start with the basics...
The day my mom found out about her cancer it was just another normal day for me. Raigen and I had gotten up around 11-ish in the morning. I'd just finished brewing a pot of coffee. My phone rang and my caller-ID showed it was my mom. I picked it up because I had been on stand-by anyway to find out what the test results were. It wasn't my mom's voice. It was Kathy Biggs, a wonderful teacher I had subbed for at the school. She told me everything was ok and that my mom was fine, she just wanted me to come over, that she needed me. I knew the moment Kathy told me it was her and she confirmed it when she said my mom wanted me to come over, the it was, in fact, cancer. I stayed calm. I got Raigen into some clothes, warmed up the car and went over there. Kathy wasn't there, but my mom and dad were on the front porch. They hadn't even unlocked the door to go in. My mom was sitting on the bench, bent over with her arms on her knees, and her face in her hands. We walked up and all I said was, "I take it the results were positive?" - more of a statement than a question, but what else do I say? My Aunt Beth showed up and we all talked for a while.
I had been trying to lose weight. I had weighed about 120 pounds since my 6th grade year up until before I was pregnant the first time. After I'd found out I'd lost the first baby, I weighed about 150 pounds. Then after I had Raigen, my postpartum depression was so bad, they thought I was bi-polar and the meds they put me on made me gain 50 pounds in about 3 months. I ended up weighing 200 pounds by the time the doctor's realized I wasn't bi-polar, that I was just EXTREMELY depressed. The sleep meds they had me on for my bi-polar depression were causing me to "sleep-eat" which is when you sleepwalk to the kitchen, make food (even whole meals), eat and then go back to bed without ever remembering it - therefore I gained all that weight. When I finally weened myself off the new depression meds, I worked out for a while and that wasn't working. I looked up the Biggest Loser stuff and started following their diets and tricks, so I had lost a little weight, but out of nowhere my mom says, "did you lose more weight?" It surprised me considering what she had just found out.
The doctor appointments started. I didn't cry, I didn't even get upset. I called everyone that needed to be called. I scheduled everything that needed to be scheduled. One night, when I was still staying at home, I talked to Scott about a few things that were bothering me. My dad was the one who had all the health problems; high cholesterol, eye problems, degenerative genes,...you name it, he had it. My mom was as healthy as a horse, other than her smoking and a mild case of cervical cancer she'd beat with a simple cone-biopsy ten years before all this. She hadn't been back to the doctor since. Why did it happen to my mom? It wasn't that I wanted it to happen to my dad. He was just who I expected something to happen to. If, for some reason, my mom didn't make it, my dad wouldn't make it much longer after that - all this stuff just blurted out of my mouth to my husband. He reassured me everything would be okay and I was fine.
We went to the first doctor appointment with her surgeon, Doctor King, to discuss the verdict of treatment. Her cancer was more invasive than we'd thought and she'd have to have chemo. On the way home from this treatment, I lost it. My daughter was asleep, my dad was driving, and my mom was trying to rest on the way home, so they had no idea. I cried and cried and cried. I even tried to scream, but nothing came out. I knew I had to be calm before we got home because if my parents realized how red my face was they would start asking questions and neither of them needed that right then. I got myself together and it was cool. I hadn't slept at all the night before, so I was really tired. The night before was when I started my blog.
When we met with her oncologist and found out she would definitely be losing her hair from the chemo, I asked Doctor Mayer if she agreed with the statistic that people who lose their hair during chemo tend to accept the concept easier if someone shaves their head in support of the person doing the chemotherapy. She said no because she feels it tends to rub it in the patients face how it's not only affecting them, but it makes them feel like they're affecting someone else's life in a bad way. My mom and I had already talked about it and she said that she definitely did NOT want me shaving my head, even though I had done it the day of my graduation from high school. That was my way of showing the world I was starting a new chapter in my life. I've always been weird like that. If I broke up with some douche-bag of a boyfriend, I either cut my hair, dyed my hair, or got a new piercing or tattoo. Rarely, I went on a shopping spree. I hate shopping, though, so I didn't do that so often.
We went to a place called Mongolia's in Mooresville to get her a wig. Most of the people that work there used to work at O'Dells, a hair salon that was over by Value Market (what used to be called Jackson's), so my mom knew a few of the ladies that worked there. You would think that shop would be wonderful. Ummm...NO. They acted like my mom was a nobody and then told her "not everyone looks good bald," - not something my mom needed to hear at that point. The lady said she would order some stuff for my mom and made another appointment for my mom to come in and look at it before she made a final decision as to what she wanted. We showed up a week later at the appointment and the lady hadn't ordered a thing. She didn't even remember she was supposed to. Then she told us she had, but she brought out the same wigs we'd already tried. It was soooo frustrating. My mom chose one and paid for it. It was cute, but not what she wanted. We asked for a catalog and they didn't have any.
Doctor Mayer gave us a copy of the greatest book ever written and compiled for breast cancer patients and families. It's called 100 Questions & Answers About Breast Cancer
by Zora K. Brown and Harold P. Freeman, MD with Elizabeth Platt. The night we got home from the first visit to Doctor Mayer's office, I read that book from cover to cover. It's a very easy read and it explains every single thing imaginable about breast cancer. It said shaving my head in support of my mom was up to my mom and how it would make her feel. This totally makes sense, common sense actually, but as Status Shuffle on Facebook says, "how is it considered common sense when it's actually rare to find in most people?" LMAO. A few days later, my mom said she doesn't want me shaving my head, but "what about if you did something like what you did for your high school graduation?" Interesting how I'd thought that from the start, isn't it? I told her that if that was what she wanted, it would be no problem at all. We picked out a Halle Barry pixie-cut the same day and two days later my hair was cut.
I wish I could say it went as smoothly for my mom. I cut everyone's hair in my family, except my own for obvious reasons. Mom said she wanted me to do her shaving so she wasn't having it done in front of a bunch of strange people. She kept saying she was worried she had a funny shaped head and she would look terrible. I took it slow with her. I tried to make jokes by threatening mulletts and mohawks. I actually did accomplish the mohawk idea at one point. It was a little to the side, kind of like Will I Am's from the Black Eyed Peas. When I had accomplished the sideways mohawk, my mom wanted to see what the lack of hair on her head looked like. She looked at her reflection in the kitchen window. She started to cry - not a hysterical cry or anything - just a few tears. When I finished with the bulk of it and cleaned up her neck and ears, she rubbed her head. We picked out a couple chunks from the different colored strands of the the hair we had just cut off to save for her scrapbook. She asked if she had a funny shaped head. I couldn't believe it. She had the most perfect circle of a head I've ever seen! I asked Raigen what shape mamaw's head was and she said a "circle." She didn't have any bumps, "hot dogs", discoloration, nothing. It was just flat-out perfect.
My dad didn't take it so hot either. He was fine when he saw it at first, but when my mom asked him what was wrong he just started to run out to the garage - his sanctuary. My mom told him to wait and to tell her what was wrong. When he turned around, he had tears in his eyes. That is EXTREMELY rare for my dad. I can only remember him crying two other times in my whole life - at my grandpa's (his dad's) funeral and my wedding reception during the Daddy-Daughter Dance. He told my mom he was just hurting. When my mom asked why, he said he just couldn't understand why she had to go through this. I think the fact she had cancer finally set in when he saw she was losing her hair to the point we had to cut it, but he did agree she had a wonderful head!
Mom was scared Raigen wouldn't want to be around her because she thought she was ugly. I asked Raigen to give mamaw a hug. She did without hesitation and then said rubbed mom's head and said, "mamaw pretty." My mom started crying again at the thought that her only granddaughter thought she was pretty without hair. Then Raigen tried to climb up on the barstool we were using to cut my mom's hair and said, "me hair too!" My mom really started crying then. I even teared up at the thought that my daughter didn't have a clue as to what was really going on and she still wanted to be just like mamaw. Raigen gave her the therapy she needed without even knowing it...
After she had gone a few treatments without hair, I was at work and a patron told me about Wigs We Care. It's a boutique for cancer patients, like Magnolia's, off of Madison Avenue in Greenwood. One afternoon I asked mom if she wanted to go there to kill time in between appointments. She agreed and when we got there, we were amazed. They were wonderful! The ladies greeted us immediately and helped us so much my mom was mad she'd ever gone to Magnolia's to start with. They had the wigs she wanted, the scarves, everything. They taught us little tricks with T-shirts on how to make them into caps, how to tie an "Izzy scarf," even told us they could order stuff we wanted if we didn't see it on the shelf. Many of the ladies that work there have survived cancer themselves. One lady makes jewelry and sells it in the shop. I found these necklaces she'd made that were beautiful. I bought one for my mom and I, and ordered one for my sister. They had breast cancer guardian angels on them, but mine and my sister's had just the plain guardian angel on it. My mom's had the survivor's guardian angel on it, to carry her through to survival and prevent a relapse. Mine and my mom's necklaces both broke at one point so we took them back to her and she had them fixed free of charge and no questions asked! She actually apologized a hundred times too. They were $12 each and all the money she makes from the jewelry goes to breast cancer research! Wigs We Care is FANTASTIC!
As the next few weeks went on, I was eating better because I was with my parents more and I only ate when they ate. The weight just started melting off. The combination of eating better and not eating when I was bored and following the Biggest Loser made it easy to maintain the weight loss. I didn't keep track of my weight though. I didn't even weigh myself. I kept track of my inches lost. Between September 2009 and January 2010, I've lost 45 pounds and met my goal of having a 36 inch waist. I started at a 43 inch waist.
I wasn't able to get anxious about losing weight because I was dealing with family issues. It's not like I'm glad my mom got cancer. If I could've chosen to be the one to get cancer, I would've, but that obviously wasn't an option. It worked out in everyone's favor though. I know this is gross for some people, but when you gain a crap-ton of weight, most people's mojo isn't exactly where their husbands want it to be. Well, after losing that weight, my mojo improved, I was able to dress how I wanted to, and I was in a good mood more often than I was when I was heavier. Now, I'm at the stage where I want to work out again. I can walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath or hurting to the point I would rather take the elevator or ride one of those Segway thingies.
I just need the motivation. I workout with a partner waayyyyy better than when I work out by myself. The problem is, I always get my motivation to work out at night, when you're not supposed to. Working out causes a boost in adrenaline and keeps you energized throughout the day. When I work out in the morning or afternoon, I always want to take a nap, but can't because of having a two-year-old that doesn't take naps. If I work out when I'm motivated at one in the morning, my adrenaline keeps me up for another four hours. It's so frustrating. Plus, I don't have a partner to work out with. My schedule is so fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants that I can't have a set time to work out and that brings my partner options to zero. I guess working out by myself and not pushing myself to my fullest extent is better than not working out at all.
The day my mom found out about her cancer it was just another normal day for me. Raigen and I had gotten up around 11-ish in the morning. I'd just finished brewing a pot of coffee. My phone rang and my caller-ID showed it was my mom. I picked it up because I had been on stand-by anyway to find out what the test results were. It wasn't my mom's voice. It was Kathy Biggs, a wonderful teacher I had subbed for at the school. She told me everything was ok and that my mom was fine, she just wanted me to come over, that she needed me. I knew the moment Kathy told me it was her and she confirmed it when she said my mom wanted me to come over, the it was, in fact, cancer. I stayed calm. I got Raigen into some clothes, warmed up the car and went over there. Kathy wasn't there, but my mom and dad were on the front porch. They hadn't even unlocked the door to go in. My mom was sitting on the bench, bent over with her arms on her knees, and her face in her hands. We walked up and all I said was, "I take it the results were positive?" - more of a statement than a question, but what else do I say? My Aunt Beth showed up and we all talked for a while.
I had been trying to lose weight. I had weighed about 120 pounds since my 6th grade year up until before I was pregnant the first time. After I'd found out I'd lost the first baby, I weighed about 150 pounds. Then after I had Raigen, my postpartum depression was so bad, they thought I was bi-polar and the meds they put me on made me gain 50 pounds in about 3 months. I ended up weighing 200 pounds by the time the doctor's realized I wasn't bi-polar, that I was just EXTREMELY depressed. The sleep meds they had me on for my bi-polar depression were causing me to "sleep-eat" which is when you sleepwalk to the kitchen, make food (even whole meals), eat and then go back to bed without ever remembering it - therefore I gained all that weight. When I finally weened myself off the new depression meds, I worked out for a while and that wasn't working. I looked up the Biggest Loser stuff and started following their diets and tricks, so I had lost a little weight, but out of nowhere my mom says, "did you lose more weight?" It surprised me considering what she had just found out.
The doctor appointments started. I didn't cry, I didn't even get upset. I called everyone that needed to be called. I scheduled everything that needed to be scheduled. One night, when I was still staying at home, I talked to Scott about a few things that were bothering me. My dad was the one who had all the health problems; high cholesterol, eye problems, degenerative genes,...you name it, he had it. My mom was as healthy as a horse, other than her smoking and a mild case of cervical cancer she'd beat with a simple cone-biopsy ten years before all this. She hadn't been back to the doctor since. Why did it happen to my mom? It wasn't that I wanted it to happen to my dad. He was just who I expected something to happen to. If, for some reason, my mom didn't make it, my dad wouldn't make it much longer after that - all this stuff just blurted out of my mouth to my husband. He reassured me everything would be okay and I was fine.
We went to the first doctor appointment with her surgeon, Doctor King, to discuss the verdict of treatment. Her cancer was more invasive than we'd thought and she'd have to have chemo. On the way home from this treatment, I lost it. My daughter was asleep, my dad was driving, and my mom was trying to rest on the way home, so they had no idea. I cried and cried and cried. I even tried to scream, but nothing came out. I knew I had to be calm before we got home because if my parents realized how red my face was they would start asking questions and neither of them needed that right then. I got myself together and it was cool. I hadn't slept at all the night before, so I was really tired. The night before was when I started my blog.
When we met with her oncologist and found out she would definitely be losing her hair from the chemo, I asked Doctor Mayer if she agreed with the statistic that people who lose their hair during chemo tend to accept the concept easier if someone shaves their head in support of the person doing the chemotherapy. She said no because she feels it tends to rub it in the patients face how it's not only affecting them, but it makes them feel like they're affecting someone else's life in a bad way. My mom and I had already talked about it and she said that she definitely did NOT want me shaving my head, even though I had done it the day of my graduation from high school. That was my way of showing the world I was starting a new chapter in my life. I've always been weird like that. If I broke up with some douche-bag of a boyfriend, I either cut my hair, dyed my hair, or got a new piercing or tattoo. Rarely, I went on a shopping spree. I hate shopping, though, so I didn't do that so often.
We went to a place called Mongolia's in Mooresville to get her a wig. Most of the people that work there used to work at O'Dells, a hair salon that was over by Value Market (what used to be called Jackson's), so my mom knew a few of the ladies that worked there. You would think that shop would be wonderful. Ummm...NO. They acted like my mom was a nobody and then told her "not everyone looks good bald," - not something my mom needed to hear at that point. The lady said she would order some stuff for my mom and made another appointment for my mom to come in and look at it before she made a final decision as to what she wanted. We showed up a week later at the appointment and the lady hadn't ordered a thing. She didn't even remember she was supposed to. Then she told us she had, but she brought out the same wigs we'd already tried. It was soooo frustrating. My mom chose one and paid for it. It was cute, but not what she wanted. We asked for a catalog and they didn't have any.
by Zora K. Brown and Harold P. Freeman, MD with Elizabeth Platt. The night we got home from the first visit to Doctor Mayer's office, I read that book from cover to cover. It's a very easy read and it explains every single thing imaginable about breast cancer. It said shaving my head in support of my mom was up to my mom and how it would make her feel. This totally makes sense, common sense actually, but as Status Shuffle on Facebook says, "how is it considered common sense when it's actually rare to find in most people?" LMAO. A few days later, my mom said she doesn't want me shaving my head, but "what about if you did something like what you did for your high school graduation?" Interesting how I'd thought that from the start, isn't it? I told her that if that was what she wanted, it would be no problem at all. We picked out a Halle Barry pixie-cut the same day and two days later my hair was cut.I wish I could say it went as smoothly for my mom. I cut everyone's hair in my family, except my own for obvious reasons. Mom said she wanted me to do her shaving so she wasn't having it done in front of a bunch of strange people. She kept saying she was worried she had a funny shaped head and she would look terrible. I took it slow with her. I tried to make jokes by threatening mulletts and mohawks. I actually did accomplish the mohawk idea at one point. It was a little to the side, kind of like Will I Am's from the Black Eyed Peas. When I had accomplished the sideways mohawk, my mom wanted to see what the lack of hair on her head looked like. She looked at her reflection in the kitchen window. She started to cry - not a hysterical cry or anything - just a few tears. When I finished with the bulk of it and cleaned up her neck and ears, she rubbed her head. We picked out a couple chunks from the different colored strands of the the hair we had just cut off to save for her scrapbook. She asked if she had a funny shaped head. I couldn't believe it. She had the most perfect circle of a head I've ever seen! I asked Raigen what shape mamaw's head was and she said a "circle." She didn't have any bumps, "hot dogs", discoloration, nothing. It was just flat-out perfect.
My dad didn't take it so hot either. He was fine when he saw it at first, but when my mom asked him what was wrong he just started to run out to the garage - his sanctuary. My mom told him to wait and to tell her what was wrong. When he turned around, he had tears in his eyes. That is EXTREMELY rare for my dad. I can only remember him crying two other times in my whole life - at my grandpa's (his dad's) funeral and my wedding reception during the Daddy-Daughter Dance. He told my mom he was just hurting. When my mom asked why, he said he just couldn't understand why she had to go through this. I think the fact she had cancer finally set in when he saw she was losing her hair to the point we had to cut it, but he did agree she had a wonderful head!
Mom was scared Raigen wouldn't want to be around her because she thought she was ugly. I asked Raigen to give mamaw a hug. She did without hesitation and then said rubbed mom's head and said, "mamaw pretty." My mom started crying again at the thought that her only granddaughter thought she was pretty without hair. Then Raigen tried to climb up on the barstool we were using to cut my mom's hair and said, "me hair too!" My mom really started crying then. I even teared up at the thought that my daughter didn't have a clue as to what was really going on and she still wanted to be just like mamaw. Raigen gave her the therapy she needed without even knowing it...
After she had gone a few treatments without hair, I was at work and a patron told me about Wigs We Care. It's a boutique for cancer patients, like Magnolia's, off of Madison Avenue in Greenwood. One afternoon I asked mom if she wanted to go there to kill time in between appointments. She agreed and when we got there, we were amazed. They were wonderful! The ladies greeted us immediately and helped us so much my mom was mad she'd ever gone to Magnolia's to start with. They had the wigs she wanted, the scarves, everything. They taught us little tricks with T-shirts on how to make them into caps, how to tie an "Izzy scarf," even told us they could order stuff we wanted if we didn't see it on the shelf. Many of the ladies that work there have survived cancer themselves. One lady makes jewelry and sells it in the shop. I found these necklaces she'd made that were beautiful. I bought one for my mom and I, and ordered one for my sister. They had breast cancer guardian angels on them, but mine and my sister's had just the plain guardian angel on it. My mom's had the survivor's guardian angel on it, to carry her through to survival and prevent a relapse. Mine and my mom's necklaces both broke at one point so we took them back to her and she had them fixed free of charge and no questions asked! She actually apologized a hundred times too. They were $12 each and all the money she makes from the jewelry goes to breast cancer research! Wigs We Care is FANTASTIC!
Breast Cancer Guardian Angel Charm
Breast Cancer Survival Angel Charm
I wasn't able to get anxious about losing weight because I was dealing with family issues. It's not like I'm glad my mom got cancer. If I could've chosen to be the one to get cancer, I would've, but that obviously wasn't an option. It worked out in everyone's favor though. I know this is gross for some people, but when you gain a crap-ton of weight, most people's mojo isn't exactly where their husbands want it to be. Well, after losing that weight, my mojo improved, I was able to dress how I wanted to, and I was in a good mood more often than I was when I was heavier. Now, I'm at the stage where I want to work out again. I can walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath or hurting to the point I would rather take the elevator or ride one of those Segway thingies.
I just need the motivation. I workout with a partner waayyyyy better than when I work out by myself. The problem is, I always get my motivation to work out at night, when you're not supposed to. Working out causes a boost in adrenaline and keeps you energized throughout the day. When I work out in the morning or afternoon, I always want to take a nap, but can't because of having a two-year-old that doesn't take naps. If I work out when I'm motivated at one in the morning, my adrenaline keeps me up for another four hours. It's so frustrating. Plus, I don't have a partner to work out with. My schedule is so fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants that I can't have a set time to work out and that brings my partner options to zero. I guess working out by myself and not pushing myself to my fullest extent is better than not working out at all.
While all this with my mom was happening, I started noticing that the doctors didn't talk directly to my mom or dad. They would always look at me. My mom said it was because they could tell I was calm enough to take it all in and make sense of it. She said I was like her and dad's translator. The doctors would say what they needed to say, then later, I would explain everything in lay-man's terms to them. Lol. Whatever works, I guess.
Toward the end of my mom's chemo, Hermione and Doctor Mayer noticed I'd lost weight. They both gave me this speech about how short the span of my mom's chemo treatments are and that it looks to them like I've lost way too much weight in that short period of time to be doing it the healthy way. My mom and I explained that I had made a VERY drastic change in my diet, as well as being up moving around a lot more. They said that was fine, but to be careful. I appreciated Hum and Mary Lou's concern, but they also didn't see what kind of a life I lead before my mom got cancer.
Now, we are all doing just fine. My mom was prescribed Chantix and is trying to quit smoking. My mom's hair is growing back so darn fast and her spacers make her boobs so perky that I'm jealous! I'm at least maintaining my shape now and not gaining the weight back, and Little Red....thinks she's sixteen instead of 2 1/2...rotflol...
September 2009
January 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
My Mother's Journey Through Breast Cancer: Another Setback
Grr...
My mother was hospitalized today for pneumonia. She was released from her surgeries on the 18th. Somewhere in the shuffle directly before her surgeries or while in the hospital after her surgeries, she contracted pneumonia.
It all started on the 22nd. She was getting toward the end of her supply of pain meds. She decided she wanted to ween herself off of them completely. She started taking one whenever she needed them instead of two every four hours on the nose. Next thing we knew, she kept saying she was freezing and she was shivering all over. I asked her to take her temperature. It was 99.7 or so. That wasn't strange considering since she'd started chemo, her temp has ran in the 99's on a regular basis.
An hour later she mentioned she was in pain so I told her to take some pain meds. She said she wanted to take her temperature again before she took her pain meds so she could get a more accurate reading. It was 100.6. She waited a while after that before taking her pain meds. She smoked a cigarette and we talked a while. She was starting to shiver. I told her to take her temperature again and it was 101.4. I asked her to take a pain med and I would go to pick up her antibiotic at the pharmacy. At this point she only had three pain meds left, but she did have another prescription for them as well.
I went to the pharmacy and took along the prescription for her other pain meds, just in case. When I talked to the pharmacist, he recommended she go ahead and have the new pain meds filled and have her take them because the Tylenol in them could keep her fever at bay and relieve the pain as well. Then, at around 6 pm today, stop taking them for a while and retake her temp. If she still had a fever, call the doctor. If she didn't, all was well and she could ween herself off the pain meds again. Her antibiotic I picked up was the wrong version of what she needed, so she didn't take it. She wanted to talk to her oncologist today.
Today, when we woke up, I emptied her drains and she said she was feeling worse. I told her we would talk to Doctor Mayer about it since we had to go there anyway. We had to leave in about half an hour for the appointment.
By the time we got to Doctor Mayer's office she was miserable. When we got to a room, she didn't feel good enough to even sit in a chair. She climbed up on the bed and laid down. When Doctor Mayer came into the room, I didn't even give her a chance to say hello or dote on Raigen like she always does. I said, "Oh thank God, there's something wrong with mom. She said she doesn't feel right and she had a fever of 101.4 last night...." I explained about what the pharmacist said, she took less than 5 minutes to overlook my mom and immediately said she wanted her checked into St. Francis Beech Grove for an overnight stay of observation.
My mom cried. And cried. And cried. I don't blame her. As if she hadn't had enough, what was going on now? She was trying to quit smoking and this wasn't making it any easier. She has been doing sooooo good though. She was smoking a pack and a half per day before her surgery and was down to 6 cigs a day since the surgery. The last two days had been on her own and not with me being a "cigarette Nazi" as she called me. I had hidden her cigs and she could only have one every 4 hours or so depending on if she wanted to wait until after she ate or not.
We got to the hospital and she said she was gonna pass out. I explained what was going on to the nurses at the nurse's station. They said they had no idea she was coming, but when I told them she felt like she was going to pass out. They jumped right on getting her to a room. From there we explained what had been going on. They tried and tried to get blood. My mom's whole body was on the fritz. They kept blowing veins, she was writhing in pain from the simplest touch, none of us had eaten, I hadn't seen mom drink a single drop of fluid since I had gotten up at 1pm, it was flat out terrible.
They got her to drink her least favorite flavor of Gatorade. The respiratory therapist came in and had her do a breathing treatment. He said at her age and what she's been through, 900 was great and she scored a 1500! He said he didn't hear any crackles or congestion in her lungs, nothing. They came for a chest x-ray, brought her back and finally got her port unclogged to get blood from it and start her IV fluids.
Next thing we knew, the coolest RN I've ever met came in and said, "well, you have pneumonia." We were in shock. We figured she had a bug, but pneumonia? After she did so well with her breathing treatment, pneumonia? Sorry...still in shock...
They said it wasn't a horrific case of it, but they're glad we came in when we did. They started her on her antibiotics. By the time we had to leave the hospital, she was definitely feeling better. She was sweating to death, but better. When I got home, I called her and she said they were trying to find someone to change her bedding and robe because she had sweat so much, everything was soaked. I told her they'd finally broken her fever for good. She said, "well that's great, but I want to go to sleep and I can't sleep in a bed full of cold water!" LMAO.
She's not necessarily being kept for 24 hours, but she wouldn't be released before 6 am either. I guess we will see.
OH! They also told us that just about everyone who'd had surgery last week was back in the hospital with pneumonia. That is why south campus was full and they were getting pretty close to being full as well.
I know everything gets worse before it gets better...maybe this was the final straw...maybe now she can truly work on getting better!
*2-24, 3:16p* They put her on oxygen last night after we left because her levels were too low. Today, Doctor Mayer visited and said things were looking up, but didn't leave discharge instructions. I haven't been up there today to know exactly what is going on. My dad stopped by there after work and once I get the food from my mom's AMAZING CO-WORKERS, I will be going up there to relieve my dad. Last I heard, she wasn't in the best of moods.
**2-24, 7:30p** Doctor Hughes was supposed to come by and look at her incisions. Doctor Mayer thinks she may have a skin infection on top of having the pneumonia. Doctor Hughes never made it by here to check her out. Now it's too late for her to be released tonight. They can get her fever broke, but they can't keep it broken. We're not entirely sure what is really going on. What I do know, is that the nurses aren't taking care of her drains correctly. Doctor Lee is a perfectionist. He gave me specific directions on how to clean them. The nurses aren't doing it even close to how he said to do it. UGH!
***2-26, 2p*** She was finally released! Even though the hospitals said they would call Doctor Lee and let him know she was in the hospital and wouldn't be able to make her appointment Thursday, they didn't. Go figure. Doctor Lee's office called yesterday, telling her she missed her appointment. My mom told them everything, even about how they told her Doctor Hughes would be coming by to look at her incisions. Doctor Lee came by the hospital and removed one of her drains. He wasn't happy that her drains had only been emptied once and I was the one to do it. He couldn't release her because he didn't admit her. He did let Doctor Mayer know he thought she was fine.
Why did it matter whether Doctor Lee thought she was fine, you ask? This is what not many people know. It took me calling Doctor Mayer's office ready to kill to get an answer because the hospital couldn't tell me anything. What the hospital did tell me is what they could assume. That didn't go over well with me. When I called Doctor Mayer's office, her nurse told me it was because they were afraid she'd start smoking again and she wouldn't be released until, the soonest, Friday, but most likely Saturday! Can you believe the NERVE????? I was pissed beyond all reason. They told my mom that it was because of her smoking that she had a pretty serious contusion on her breast. [*cough* BULLSHIT]
When Doctor Lee got there to check her out, he said the bruise still looked fine. Amazing. Abso-freaking-lutely amazing!
Point is, Doctor Mayer must have realized she couldn't keep my mom in the hospital any longer since Doctor Lee said everything was fine. I've been told I'm a "conspiracy theorist" several times in my life, but let me put my version of what I think happend into perspective:
Doctor Mayer disagreed with my mother's smoking so terribly she purposely sabotaged her release by lying about Doctor Hughes coming by to see her because of the bruise. She used Doctor Hughes' name instead of Doctor Lee's, even though she knew Doctor Lee was her actual doctor because it was in her chart and we'd talked about it several times before. This way, the hospital didn't call Doctor Lee's office. By the time she'd missed her appointment and Doctor Lee's office found out what was going on, it would be at least another day before she would be seen. Doctor Lee made it to see mom at the hospital a little ahead of schedule BECAUSE HE'S FREAKING AMAZING and one of the MOST BRILLIANT PEOPLE EVER! lol...where did I come up with this conspiracy? Between what Doctor Mayer's nurse told me and the fact that Doctor Mayer tried to get my mom to SWEAR ON A STACK OF TEN BIBLES THAT SHE WOULDN'T START SMOKING AGAIN!!! W...T...F... I'm pretty sure 2+2=4 and I went to Monrovia, hung out with people from Martinsville and work with people from Edinburgh (no offense to anyone, but we all know the jokes)...
No, my mom didn't swear on the Bibles...I would've chewed her ass if she had. She said nothing except that I had already gotten rid of everything - and I had. Doctor Mayer tried to put up an argument about how my mom could stop and get cigarettes herself, but my mom ignored her because she hasn't driven since she was diagnosed. And it's not that she's an atheist, because she's not, but that was pretty ignorant of Doctor Mayer to try to do something like that.
****3-1, 11:50p**** Good news! My mom started Chantix today. She took it at noon and says she can already feel the effects. She says she doesn't feel like she needs a cigarette most of the time. I think that may be psychological because it was only one half-dose, but I am glad she already feels that way. I am VERY happy for her. I feel this is a for-sure sign all this will be over with in the near future!
My mother was hospitalized today for pneumonia. She was released from her surgeries on the 18th. Somewhere in the shuffle directly before her surgeries or while in the hospital after her surgeries, she contracted pneumonia.
It all started on the 22nd. She was getting toward the end of her supply of pain meds. She decided she wanted to ween herself off of them completely. She started taking one whenever she needed them instead of two every four hours on the nose. Next thing we knew, she kept saying she was freezing and she was shivering all over. I asked her to take her temperature. It was 99.7 or so. That wasn't strange considering since she'd started chemo, her temp has ran in the 99's on a regular basis.
An hour later she mentioned she was in pain so I told her to take some pain meds. She said she wanted to take her temperature again before she took her pain meds so she could get a more accurate reading. It was 100.6. She waited a while after that before taking her pain meds. She smoked a cigarette and we talked a while. She was starting to shiver. I told her to take her temperature again and it was 101.4. I asked her to take a pain med and I would go to pick up her antibiotic at the pharmacy. At this point she only had three pain meds left, but she did have another prescription for them as well.
I went to the pharmacy and took along the prescription for her other pain meds, just in case. When I talked to the pharmacist, he recommended she go ahead and have the new pain meds filled and have her take them because the Tylenol in them could keep her fever at bay and relieve the pain as well. Then, at around 6 pm today, stop taking them for a while and retake her temp. If she still had a fever, call the doctor. If she didn't, all was well and she could ween herself off the pain meds again. Her antibiotic I picked up was the wrong version of what she needed, so she didn't take it. She wanted to talk to her oncologist today.
Today, when we woke up, I emptied her drains and she said she was feeling worse. I told her we would talk to Doctor Mayer about it since we had to go there anyway. We had to leave in about half an hour for the appointment.
By the time we got to Doctor Mayer's office she was miserable. When we got to a room, she didn't feel good enough to even sit in a chair. She climbed up on the bed and laid down. When Doctor Mayer came into the room, I didn't even give her a chance to say hello or dote on Raigen like she always does. I said, "Oh thank God, there's something wrong with mom. She said she doesn't feel right and she had a fever of 101.4 last night...." I explained about what the pharmacist said, she took less than 5 minutes to overlook my mom and immediately said she wanted her checked into St. Francis Beech Grove for an overnight stay of observation.
My mom cried. And cried. And cried. I don't blame her. As if she hadn't had enough, what was going on now? She was trying to quit smoking and this wasn't making it any easier. She has been doing sooooo good though. She was smoking a pack and a half per day before her surgery and was down to 6 cigs a day since the surgery. The last two days had been on her own and not with me being a "cigarette Nazi" as she called me. I had hidden her cigs and she could only have one every 4 hours or so depending on if she wanted to wait until after she ate or not.
We got to the hospital and she said she was gonna pass out. I explained what was going on to the nurses at the nurse's station. They said they had no idea she was coming, but when I told them she felt like she was going to pass out. They jumped right on getting her to a room. From there we explained what had been going on. They tried and tried to get blood. My mom's whole body was on the fritz. They kept blowing veins, she was writhing in pain from the simplest touch, none of us had eaten, I hadn't seen mom drink a single drop of fluid since I had gotten up at 1pm, it was flat out terrible.
They got her to drink her least favorite flavor of Gatorade. The respiratory therapist came in and had her do a breathing treatment. He said at her age and what she's been through, 900 was great and she scored a 1500! He said he didn't hear any crackles or congestion in her lungs, nothing. They came for a chest x-ray, brought her back and finally got her port unclogged to get blood from it and start her IV fluids.
Next thing we knew, the coolest RN I've ever met came in and said, "well, you have pneumonia." We were in shock. We figured she had a bug, but pneumonia? After she did so well with her breathing treatment, pneumonia? Sorry...still in shock...
They said it wasn't a horrific case of it, but they're glad we came in when we did. They started her on her antibiotics. By the time we had to leave the hospital, she was definitely feeling better. She was sweating to death, but better. When I got home, I called her and she said they were trying to find someone to change her bedding and robe because she had sweat so much, everything was soaked. I told her they'd finally broken her fever for good. She said, "well that's great, but I want to go to sleep and I can't sleep in a bed full of cold water!" LMAO.
She's not necessarily being kept for 24 hours, but she wouldn't be released before 6 am either. I guess we will see.
OH! They also told us that just about everyone who'd had surgery last week was back in the hospital with pneumonia. That is why south campus was full and they were getting pretty close to being full as well.
I know everything gets worse before it gets better...maybe this was the final straw...maybe now she can truly work on getting better!
*2-24, 3:16p* They put her on oxygen last night after we left because her levels were too low. Today, Doctor Mayer visited and said things were looking up, but didn't leave discharge instructions. I haven't been up there today to know exactly what is going on. My dad stopped by there after work and once I get the food from my mom's AMAZING CO-WORKERS, I will be going up there to relieve my dad. Last I heard, she wasn't in the best of moods.
**2-24, 7:30p** Doctor Hughes was supposed to come by and look at her incisions. Doctor Mayer thinks she may have a skin infection on top of having the pneumonia. Doctor Hughes never made it by here to check her out. Now it's too late for her to be released tonight. They can get her fever broke, but they can't keep it broken. We're not entirely sure what is really going on. What I do know, is that the nurses aren't taking care of her drains correctly. Doctor Lee is a perfectionist. He gave me specific directions on how to clean them. The nurses aren't doing it even close to how he said to do it. UGH!
***2-26, 2p*** She was finally released! Even though the hospitals said they would call Doctor Lee and let him know she was in the hospital and wouldn't be able to make her appointment Thursday, they didn't. Go figure. Doctor Lee's office called yesterday, telling her she missed her appointment. My mom told them everything, even about how they told her Doctor Hughes would be coming by to look at her incisions. Doctor Lee came by the hospital and removed one of her drains. He wasn't happy that her drains had only been emptied once and I was the one to do it. He couldn't release her because he didn't admit her. He did let Doctor Mayer know he thought she was fine.
Why did it matter whether Doctor Lee thought she was fine, you ask? This is what not many people know. It took me calling Doctor Mayer's office ready to kill to get an answer because the hospital couldn't tell me anything. What the hospital did tell me is what they could assume. That didn't go over well with me. When I called Doctor Mayer's office, her nurse told me it was because they were afraid she'd start smoking again and she wouldn't be released until, the soonest, Friday, but most likely Saturday! Can you believe the NERVE????? I was pissed beyond all reason. They told my mom that it was because of her smoking that she had a pretty serious contusion on her breast. [*cough* BULLSHIT]
When Doctor Lee got there to check her out, he said the bruise still looked fine. Amazing. Abso-freaking-lutely amazing!
Point is, Doctor Mayer must have realized she couldn't keep my mom in the hospital any longer since Doctor Lee said everything was fine. I've been told I'm a "conspiracy theorist" several times in my life, but let me put my version of what I think happend into perspective:
Doctor Mayer disagreed with my mother's smoking so terribly she purposely sabotaged her release by lying about Doctor Hughes coming by to see her because of the bruise. She used Doctor Hughes' name instead of Doctor Lee's, even though she knew Doctor Lee was her actual doctor because it was in her chart and we'd talked about it several times before. This way, the hospital didn't call Doctor Lee's office. By the time she'd missed her appointment and Doctor Lee's office found out what was going on, it would be at least another day before she would be seen. Doctor Lee made it to see mom at the hospital a little ahead of schedule BECAUSE HE'S FREAKING AMAZING and one of the MOST BRILLIANT PEOPLE EVER! lol...where did I come up with this conspiracy? Between what Doctor Mayer's nurse told me and the fact that Doctor Mayer tried to get my mom to SWEAR ON A STACK OF TEN BIBLES THAT SHE WOULDN'T START SMOKING AGAIN!!! W...T...F... I'm pretty sure 2+2=4 and I went to Monrovia, hung out with people from Martinsville and work with people from Edinburgh (no offense to anyone, but we all know the jokes)...
No, my mom didn't swear on the Bibles...I would've chewed her ass if she had. She said nothing except that I had already gotten rid of everything - and I had. Doctor Mayer tried to put up an argument about how my mom could stop and get cigarettes herself, but my mom ignored her because she hasn't driven since she was diagnosed. And it's not that she's an atheist, because she's not, but that was pretty ignorant of Doctor Mayer to try to do something like that.
****3-1, 11:50p**** Good news! My mom started Chantix today. She took it at noon and says she can already feel the effects. She says she doesn't feel like she needs a cigarette most of the time. I think that may be psychological because it was only one half-dose, but I am glad she already feels that way. I am VERY happy for her. I feel this is a for-sure sign all this will be over with in the near future!
Friday, February 19, 2010
My Mother's Journey Through Breast Cancer: Your Questions Answered
Here are the questions I have been asked recently. I answered them to the best of my ability. If you have any questions, any questions at all, that have NOT been answered here, please post your question(s) as a comment and I will get to it as soon as I can.
What size are my mom's implants starting out at?
My mother did NOT have her implants put in; only the "spacers". That is why it was only a partial reconstruction. She could not have her implants put in because she has to have radiation. The radiation can interfere with healing and even cause the implants to rupture - saline or silicone, either one. It also raises the percentage of implant rejection. With only the "spacers," my mother still has the "breast" shape, just no nipple. Including the swelling right now, she is a little over an A-cup; sort of the 'tween stage of an A-cup and B-cup. Once the swelling goes down, she will have an A-cup or possibly a little under, give or take a few millimeters. Dr. Lee told me that the "spacers" have a volume of 300 milliliters in each breast, giving her a total of 600 milliliters of "breast". The purpose of the "spacers" are to start making room for the actual implant. They included the "spacers" in this surgery to advance her as far as they could without letting the future radiation cause any damage.
Why does my mother have to have radiation?
Two reasons: My mom has Lobular Carcinoma - cancer of the "grapevine"-like lobes in a woman's breast. The lobes are responsible for creating the milk for babies versus Ductal Carcinoma, which is cancer of the milk-ducts. The milk-ducts carry the milk to the nipple for excretion. Lobular Carcinoma is a more rare form of breast cancer. The other reason my mom has to have radiation is because my mom's cancer was "satellited," meaning it was spread out into little sections all over her breast tissue. For example, when you look up into the clear night sky and see the stars spread throughout the sky, the sky is like my mom's breast tissue and the stars are like my mom's cancer cells. Plus, the cancer had spread to her right lymph nodes. When there is cancer in your lymph nodes, there is most likely cancer somewhere else in your body. This is why they did the chemo first - to concentrate on her body as a whole. Then, once they removed the breast tissue, they can use radiation on only the breasts to concentrate on whatever cancer could possibly be left over, be it in the chest wall or in the breast tissue that could've been left behind.
When WILL my mom have her implants put in?
Six to eight months after she is finished with radiation, pending all her doctors' permission, she will have a smaller, less invasive surgery to have her saline implants put in. They will not be the full size my mom has chosen. They will be around 40% of the size she wants. Every two weeks or so after the initial installation, she will return to Doctor Lee's office to have a little bit more saline injected into the implant until she reaches the size she has chosen. They will use a large needle to do this so it will be somewhat painful. However, Doctor Lee said most women have described the pain to be similar to pain they have during their nuclear biopsies (when they put needles in you and inject you with dye; for example, an MRI biopsy). This stage-like reconstruction keeps the healing time to a minimum. Many women will have the injections done during their lunch breaks from work and then return to work when they're finished, but that is per statistics. That does NOT mean every woman will be like that. Some may have more pain so if you are one of these women, or may be one in the future, do not feel weak or inadequate; every woman is different and it does not make you any less of a woman. Remember: "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."
Truthfully, will they EVER look completely natural?
Once my mom reaches the size she wants and heals properly, etc., she can have nipple reconstruction surgery. After the nipple reconstruction surgery, most likely after she has healed (but I may be mistaken), they can tattoo some areola-color around her nipples to make them seem even more realistic. I believe this is optional or at least I would think so, considering the breasts will not have the sensation stimulation capabilities as they did before the mastectomies. Some women may think this is trivial and pointless. There is a chance they will do the nipple reconstruction during the implant installation. That has, yet, to be determined.
Why did my mom chose "saline" versus "silicone"?
My mother chose saline implants because they tend look and feel more natural (per Doctor Lee). If they rupture, the reaction is not NEAR as toxic. Most women after implant reconstruction surgery that look like they have "Barbie boobs" is because they have most likely had silicone implants (per googling 'silicone implants'). "Barbie boobs" are not bad things, it just depends on the person's preferences.
Would I recommend St. Francis as a hospital for someone else with breast cancer?
This is an EXTREMELY difficult question to answer. If the person who has cancer has hard-as-a-rock supporters, so that someone is with them for each and every appointment, then the answer to this question is YES. The reason someone "mentally tough" needs to be there is to act like a "emotional bodyguard" for the person who has cancer. Some of these people you come into contact with have never been in any of these situations. Because of this, they are arrogant, naive, and cold. Most of our issues were with the clerical/secretarial/administrative whatever-you-call-its, be it through insurance or the hospital. Once you get through the wall of annoying idiots, the doctor's were FAN-FLIPPING-TASTIC!!! I would recommend them without even thinking about it...well, other than the Radiologist Oncologist, but it was only his first impression that irritated us. He came VERY highly recommended by my mom's Chemotherapy Oncologist and we love her to death.
Who are her doctors and nurses?
What size are my mom's implants starting out at?
My mother did NOT have her implants put in; only the "spacers". That is why it was only a partial reconstruction. She could not have her implants put in because she has to have radiation. The radiation can interfere with healing and even cause the implants to rupture - saline or silicone, either one. It also raises the percentage of implant rejection. With only the "spacers," my mother still has the "breast" shape, just no nipple. Including the swelling right now, she is a little over an A-cup; sort of the 'tween stage of an A-cup and B-cup. Once the swelling goes down, she will have an A-cup or possibly a little under, give or take a few millimeters. Dr. Lee told me that the "spacers" have a volume of 300 milliliters in each breast, giving her a total of 600 milliliters of "breast". The purpose of the "spacers" are to start making room for the actual implant. They included the "spacers" in this surgery to advance her as far as they could without letting the future radiation cause any damage.
Why does my mother have to have radiation?
Two reasons: My mom has Lobular Carcinoma - cancer of the "grapevine"-like lobes in a woman's breast. The lobes are responsible for creating the milk for babies versus Ductal Carcinoma, which is cancer of the milk-ducts. The milk-ducts carry the milk to the nipple for excretion. Lobular Carcinoma is a more rare form of breast cancer. The other reason my mom has to have radiation is because my mom's cancer was "satellited," meaning it was spread out into little sections all over her breast tissue. For example, when you look up into the clear night sky and see the stars spread throughout the sky, the sky is like my mom's breast tissue and the stars are like my mom's cancer cells. Plus, the cancer had spread to her right lymph nodes. When there is cancer in your lymph nodes, there is most likely cancer somewhere else in your body. This is why they did the chemo first - to concentrate on her body as a whole. Then, once they removed the breast tissue, they can use radiation on only the breasts to concentrate on whatever cancer could possibly be left over, be it in the chest wall or in the breast tissue that could've been left behind.
When WILL my mom have her implants put in?
Six to eight months after she is finished with radiation, pending all her doctors' permission, she will have a smaller, less invasive surgery to have her saline implants put in. They will not be the full size my mom has chosen. They will be around 40% of the size she wants. Every two weeks or so after the initial installation, she will return to Doctor Lee's office to have a little bit more saline injected into the implant until she reaches the size she has chosen. They will use a large needle to do this so it will be somewhat painful. However, Doctor Lee said most women have described the pain to be similar to pain they have during their nuclear biopsies (when they put needles in you and inject you with dye; for example, an MRI biopsy). This stage-like reconstruction keeps the healing time to a minimum. Many women will have the injections done during their lunch breaks from work and then return to work when they're finished, but that is per statistics. That does NOT mean every woman will be like that. Some may have more pain so if you are one of these women, or may be one in the future, do not feel weak or inadequate; every woman is different and it does not make you any less of a woman. Remember: "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."
Truthfully, will they EVER look completely natural?
Once my mom reaches the size she wants and heals properly, etc., she can have nipple reconstruction surgery. After the nipple reconstruction surgery, most likely after she has healed (but I may be mistaken), they can tattoo some areola-color around her nipples to make them seem even more realistic. I believe this is optional or at least I would think so, considering the breasts will not have the sensation stimulation capabilities as they did before the mastectomies. Some women may think this is trivial and pointless. There is a chance they will do the nipple reconstruction during the implant installation. That has, yet, to be determined.
Why did my mom chose "saline" versus "silicone"?
My mother chose saline implants because they tend look and feel more natural (per Doctor Lee). If they rupture, the reaction is not NEAR as toxic. Most women after implant reconstruction surgery that look like they have "Barbie boobs" is because they have most likely had silicone implants (per googling 'silicone implants'). "Barbie boobs" are not bad things, it just depends on the person's preferences.
Would I recommend St. Francis as a hospital for someone else with breast cancer?
This is an EXTREMELY difficult question to answer. If the person who has cancer has hard-as-a-rock supporters, so that someone is with them for each and every appointment, then the answer to this question is YES. The reason someone "mentally tough" needs to be there is to act like a "emotional bodyguard" for the person who has cancer. Some of these people you come into contact with have never been in any of these situations. Because of this, they are arrogant, naive, and cold. Most of our issues were with the clerical/secretarial/administrative whatever-you-call-its, be it through insurance or the hospital. Once you get through the wall of annoying idiots, the doctor's were FAN-FLIPPING-TASTIC!!! I would recommend them without even thinking about it...well, other than the Radiologist Oncologist, but it was only his first impression that irritated us. He came VERY highly recommended by my mom's Chemotherapy Oncologist and we love her to death.
Who are her doctors and nurses?
- Mammography Technologists: St. Francis Hospital & Health Center, South Campus, Breast Center - Cheryl, Theresa, Scott Brummett - Scott only does MRI mammography.
- Surgical Oncologist: Indy Southside Surgical - Doctor Donald G. King, M.D. Doctor King's leading office lady is Aaren and she was wonderful as well.
- Chemotherapy Oncologist: The Private Practice of Doctor Mary Lou Mayer, M.D. - Doctor Mary Lou Mayer, M.D. Her sister works in the office part of the practice and her leading lady is Hermione Relyea, aka Hum. Hum does the actual chemotherapy distribution. You can't miss her, she's got a thick British accent. Mary Lou and Hum are like the two cutest little things EVER!
- Plastic Surgeon: Charles E. Hughes, III, M.D., Incorporated - Doctor Wayne C. Lee, M.D.
- Radiation Oncologist: St. Francis Cancer Center - Doctor Peter G. Garrett, M.D.
- Registered Nurse: St. Francis Hospital Surgery Center - Chris. He's the only "Chris" that works over there. He has red-ish brown hair and a sarcastic and fun personality. My mom had him for her port surgery so she requested him for her mastectomy surgery because he's so awesome.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
My Mother's Journey Through Breast Cancer: Post Bi-Lateral Mastectomies and Partial Reconstruction
First of all, thank you all for your prayers and comments on Facebook. Words cannot express how wonderful it feels to know my mom has so much support! For those who have been around throughout the years, we appreciate you keeping in touch. For those of you who have come out of the woodwork, it is wonderful to hear from you all again, especially in my mom's time of need. Everyone has been wonderful through this whole ordeal and we appreciate it more than you could know.
Now for the greasy, grimy details from the beginning of yesterday.
Yesterday, we arrived at about 5:40 am. Mom smoked her "last" cigarette even though St. Francis is a smoke-free campus. Don't judge her, she's using this ordeal to quit smoking so I think hospital security will get over it. As a matter of fact, she's gone over 36 hours without a cigarette and I've only heard her complain about it 5 times that I can remember. She stops complaining every time I tell her she's only allowed to have some of my spit-less tobacco pouches to take the edge off. She makes a nasty, scrunched up face and then I don't hear about it again for another couple hours.
Her surgery was supposed to be 6 to 7 hours - 4 to 4 1/2 hours to check the left sentinel lymph nodes and do the mastectomies and 2 to 2 1/2 hours for the partial reconstruction. Well, it took a lot longer for both. The mastectomies took longer because of waiting on pathology to let them know whether or not there was cancer in her left lymph nodes, which there was not. The reconstruction took longer because Dr. Lee is very, very, VERY meticulous. Since she has to have radiation, they couldn't do the whole reconstruction process. They only put what are called "spacers" in. My mom's BMI was not high enough for them to take parts of her skin from her back, thigh or butt so Doctor Lee used cadaver skin and yes that means they used a dead person's skin. It was taken from a deceased person who is a donor and sent to a lab to be processed. After it has been processed it can be used for things such as skin graphs and spacers for breast reconstruction. Once applied during an operation, over time, your body accepts it as its own. The cells will even multiply as if they were never dead! Gross at first, but I think it's really cool now. Altogether, the surgery took a little over 9 hours. Once the surgeries were over Dr. Lee told us that in about 45 minutes one of us would be allowed to go back and visit my mom. I left my Dad no choice and told him he was the "chosen one" which only made sense. He obviously agreed.
One hour later, a nurse came out and said it would only be a little longer until one of us could see her. I told her what Dr. Lee had said. She said the doctors have no idea what they're talking about and not to listen to them. Then she said in another half hour or so my dad could see her. Forty-five minutes later, another nurse said my dad could see her shortly. I explained how anxious and irritated we were with what everyone was telling us. She said not to listen to the doctors and to be patient (hmm, that's interesting...a NURSE was the last one to tell us a load of crap; NOT a doctor). Thirty minutes later I was pacing. I was pissed. Even my Dad was irritated. If you know my dad, you know he's like the most patient person in the world! After 15 more minutes passed my dad started pacing. He was watching the Operation Time-line screen like he would a pot of water he was trying to boil. If he could've made that screen catch on fire and explode he would've. He used the phone at the desk - I WAS SO PROUD!!! Normally he doesn't do stuff like that. Normally I am the outspoken, to the point, kind of person. I was running on two hours of sleep, so I wasn't up to par...I suppose.
Anyway, the nurse told him the same stupid shit. Even he rolled his eyes when he hung up the phone. What she did say that was different was the fact that they were actually getting ready to take her up to her room and they would just take us all with them. FINALLY!!!!!...sheesh...
She looked FANTASTIC!!!! I've been taking pictures and making notes throughout this whole kit-n-kaboodle for her Survivor Scrapbook we are going to make, so I took a picture while she was kind of out of it - to prevent an outburst even though I know she would thank me later - but she woke up to the sound of the camera shutter and said she wanted one of her smiling. When I took the picture of her smiling, I was in awe at how wonderful she looked and she didn't believe me when I told her that. I showed her and she immediately asked me to put it as her profile picture on Facebook. I'm still speechless about how wonderful she looks considering what she's been through.
Doctor Lee, Doctor King and Chris (a nurse my mom requested because he treated her so well when she had her portocath surgery and because we found out we are related) all said she could have soft foods when she could keep water, tea and Powerade down. When she got situated in her room, the nurses said "absolutely not." Well, that didn't go over so well. We were tired of hearing about how the doctors didn't know what they were talking about, but whatever. I was over arguing with these idiots.
Today has been a roller coaster. The nurses weren't coming in when they were supposed to. The anesthesia had worn off completely so the pain was worse. We found out the computers were down and that's why the nurses were having troubles and because they weren't coming around, my mom wasn't getting the pain meds she needed. They had brought her ice packs, but didn't put them on her and we didn't find them until it was too late. Finally, I pressed the little red button and let them know she needed pain meds. When the nurse gave her the pain meds she said she needed to empty my mom's drains.
Now these drains are not like a catheter and urine bag, not exactly anyway. These are four, skinny little tubes - two for each side of the chest - protruding from the lateral parts of her chest. Each tube has a bulb at the end of it that resembles a grenade. So the nurse showed me how to empty them into the little measuring cups, how to read the measuring cups (I was a little insulted by this considering my aunt was my science teacher and I have known how to read in milliliters since 6th grade, but not everyone is as smart as I am so I let it go...lmao) and she told me I will have to record the amount of blood in a little booklet they will give us when she checks out. This little booklet we're going to get must be kept and shown to Doctor Lee at her appointments until otherwise notified.
Two hours later my mom needed more pain meds. This time they could give her the pills because "they seemed to work better" even though the real reason was because it had been long enough since the last dose of pills (at 12:48 pm) that they could give them to her again (at 6:30 pm). Doctor Lee came in before the nurse gave her the pain killers. He said he wanted to empty her drains. I asked him if I could watch because I had heard he does it different than how the nurse had shown me. He was excited and BOY WAS IT DIFFERENT! I am so glad I can tell a load of bullshit from the truth. I also took advantage of the time with Doctor Lee to tell on the nurses and even went as far as telling him how they said not to listen to the doctors. (Yeah, I'm a tattletale. I will NOT have my family being mistreated.) He said, "oh really" and then said he was sorry they'd brought the ice packs, but hadn't given them to her. I told him that I liked his style and when I'm old enough for a lift, I'd be going to him. He laughed.
Doctor Lee helped out tremendously. He took care of my mom and made me feel better about the whole situation. Now the night nurses and doctors are on duty. The night nurses are great and hopefully we won't need a night shift doctor. My dad has decided to stay another night with my mom. I think that is a great idea. As much as I want to stay with her, I still think it's best my dad stays. He can lift her and move her up on the bed when she slides down too low and give her that extra push when she can't get up from bed to go to the bathroom or go on a walk. Although it's under these circumstances, at least they're getting to spend some time together and they don't get that much anymore.
Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers! Although the bulk of this is over, she still has radiation, the rest of her reconstruction and growing her hair back. Speaking of growing her hair back - her new family nickname is "Peach."
Now for the greasy, grimy details from the beginning of yesterday.
Yesterday, we arrived at about 5:40 am. Mom smoked her "last" cigarette even though St. Francis is a smoke-free campus. Don't judge her, she's using this ordeal to quit smoking so I think hospital security will get over it. As a matter of fact, she's gone over 36 hours without a cigarette and I've only heard her complain about it 5 times that I can remember. She stops complaining every time I tell her she's only allowed to have some of my spit-less tobacco pouches to take the edge off. She makes a nasty, scrunched up face and then I don't hear about it again for another couple hours.
Her surgery was supposed to be 6 to 7 hours - 4 to 4 1/2 hours to check the left sentinel lymph nodes and do the mastectomies and 2 to 2 1/2 hours for the partial reconstruction. Well, it took a lot longer for both. The mastectomies took longer because of waiting on pathology to let them know whether or not there was cancer in her left lymph nodes, which there was not. The reconstruction took longer because Dr. Lee is very, very, VERY meticulous. Since she has to have radiation, they couldn't do the whole reconstruction process. They only put what are called "spacers" in. My mom's BMI was not high enough for them to take parts of her skin from her back, thigh or butt so Doctor Lee used cadaver skin and yes that means they used a dead person's skin. It was taken from a deceased person who is a donor and sent to a lab to be processed. After it has been processed it can be used for things such as skin graphs and spacers for breast reconstruction. Once applied during an operation, over time, your body accepts it as its own. The cells will even multiply as if they were never dead! Gross at first, but I think it's really cool now. Altogether, the surgery took a little over 9 hours. Once the surgeries were over Dr. Lee told us that in about 45 minutes one of us would be allowed to go back and visit my mom. I left my Dad no choice and told him he was the "chosen one" which only made sense. He obviously agreed.
One hour later, a nurse came out and said it would only be a little longer until one of us could see her. I told her what Dr. Lee had said. She said the doctors have no idea what they're talking about and not to listen to them. Then she said in another half hour or so my dad could see her. Forty-five minutes later, another nurse said my dad could see her shortly. I explained how anxious and irritated we were with what everyone was telling us. She said not to listen to the doctors and to be patient (hmm, that's interesting...a NURSE was the last one to tell us a load of crap; NOT a doctor). Thirty minutes later I was pacing. I was pissed. Even my Dad was irritated. If you know my dad, you know he's like the most patient person in the world! After 15 more minutes passed my dad started pacing. He was watching the Operation Time-line screen like he would a pot of water he was trying to boil. If he could've made that screen catch on fire and explode he would've. He used the phone at the desk - I WAS SO PROUD!!! Normally he doesn't do stuff like that. Normally I am the outspoken, to the point, kind of person. I was running on two hours of sleep, so I wasn't up to par...I suppose.
Anyway, the nurse told him the same stupid shit. Even he rolled his eyes when he hung up the phone. What she did say that was different was the fact that they were actually getting ready to take her up to her room and they would just take us all with them. FINALLY!!!!!...sheesh...
She looked FANTASTIC!!!! I've been taking pictures and making notes throughout this whole kit-n-kaboodle for her Survivor Scrapbook we are going to make, so I took a picture while she was kind of out of it - to prevent an outburst even though I know she would thank me later - but she woke up to the sound of the camera shutter and said she wanted one of her smiling. When I took the picture of her smiling, I was in awe at how wonderful she looked and she didn't believe me when I told her that. I showed her and she immediately asked me to put it as her profile picture on Facebook. I'm still speechless about how wonderful she looks considering what she's been through.
Doctor Lee, Doctor King and Chris (a nurse my mom requested because he treated her so well when she had her portocath surgery and because we found out we are related) all said she could have soft foods when she could keep water, tea and Powerade down. When she got situated in her room, the nurses said "absolutely not." Well, that didn't go over so well. We were tired of hearing about how the doctors didn't know what they were talking about, but whatever. I was over arguing with these idiots.
Today has been a roller coaster. The nurses weren't coming in when they were supposed to. The anesthesia had worn off completely so the pain was worse. We found out the computers were down and that's why the nurses were having troubles and because they weren't coming around, my mom wasn't getting the pain meds she needed. They had brought her ice packs, but didn't put them on her and we didn't find them until it was too late. Finally, I pressed the little red button and let them know she needed pain meds. When the nurse gave her the pain meds she said she needed to empty my mom's drains.
Now these drains are not like a catheter and urine bag, not exactly anyway. These are four, skinny little tubes - two for each side of the chest - protruding from the lateral parts of her chest. Each tube has a bulb at the end of it that resembles a grenade. So the nurse showed me how to empty them into the little measuring cups, how to read the measuring cups (I was a little insulted by this considering my aunt was my science teacher and I have known how to read in milliliters since 6th grade, but not everyone is as smart as I am so I let it go...lmao) and she told me I will have to record the amount of blood in a little booklet they will give us when she checks out. This little booklet we're going to get must be kept and shown to Doctor Lee at her appointments until otherwise notified.
Two hours later my mom needed more pain meds. This time they could give her the pills because "they seemed to work better" even though the real reason was because it had been long enough since the last dose of pills (at 12:48 pm) that they could give them to her again (at 6:30 pm). Doctor Lee came in before the nurse gave her the pain killers. He said he wanted to empty her drains. I asked him if I could watch because I had heard he does it different than how the nurse had shown me. He was excited and BOY WAS IT DIFFERENT! I am so glad I can tell a load of bullshit from the truth. I also took advantage of the time with Doctor Lee to tell on the nurses and even went as far as telling him how they said not to listen to the doctors. (Yeah, I'm a tattletale. I will NOT have my family being mistreated.) He said, "oh really" and then said he was sorry they'd brought the ice packs, but hadn't given them to her. I told him that I liked his style and when I'm old enough for a lift, I'd be going to him. He laughed.
Doctor Lee helped out tremendously. He took care of my mom and made me feel better about the whole situation. Now the night nurses and doctors are on duty. The night nurses are great and hopefully we won't need a night shift doctor. My dad has decided to stay another night with my mom. I think that is a great idea. As much as I want to stay with her, I still think it's best my dad stays. He can lift her and move her up on the bed when she slides down too low and give her that extra push when she can't get up from bed to go to the bathroom or go on a walk. Although it's under these circumstances, at least they're getting to spend some time together and they don't get that much anymore.
Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers! Although the bulk of this is over, she still has radiation, the rest of her reconstruction and growing her hair back. Speaking of growing her hair back - her new family nickname is "Peach."
Monday, February 15, 2010
My Mother's Journey Through Breast Cancer
She's finally finished her chemotherapy! Now, it's the beginning of the end. She has her surgery February 16. She opted for them to test her left lymph nodes prior to surgery since for some reason they haven't done that already. She has to be at the hospital at 6 am. We will leave at 5 am. She cannot eat or drink anything after midnight tonight except a bit of water to take her meds. Once she arrives at the hospital, they will do all the pre-surgery stuff, like blood pressure, give her Valium, have the anesthesiologist talk to her, etc. Then she starts her 6 to 7 hour surgery. The left lymph node tests will determine if they take all her breast tissue on her left side or if they only do a partial. Either way, she's having a bi-lateral mastectomy.
Once the breast tissue is removed, the plastic surgeon will begin her partial reconstruction. He will insert cadaver "spacers". Eventually the processed cadaver tissue will be accepted as part of her own body. The plastic surgeon can only do partial reconstruction at this point because my mom will have to have radiation for 5-6 weeks after she heals from the mastectomies. When this surgery is over, she will have a drain protruding from each "breast". My mom will have to spend the night in the hospital, possibly two, depending on how quickly they get her pain under control. Then she will be bed-ridden for at least a week. That's pretty much it for right now. We will stay in contact with those who care as much as we can. We DO need your prayers because my mom is quitting smoking during this little process...God help us all! LMFAO!
Once the breast tissue is removed, the plastic surgeon will begin her partial reconstruction. He will insert cadaver "spacers". Eventually the processed cadaver tissue will be accepted as part of her own body. The plastic surgeon can only do partial reconstruction at this point because my mom will have to have radiation for 5-6 weeks after she heals from the mastectomies. When this surgery is over, she will have a drain protruding from each "breast". My mom will have to spend the night in the hospital, possibly two, depending on how quickly they get her pain under control. Then she will be bed-ridden for at least a week. That's pretty much it for right now. We will stay in contact with those who care as much as we can. We DO need your prayers because my mom is quitting smoking during this little process...God help us all! LMFAO!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My Mother's Journey Through Breast Cancer: Updates
According to the doctors, my mom is going to be fine. She started her chemotherapy with Cytoxin and Adriamycin as well as between 15 - 18 prescription and OTC drugs. The Adriamycin caused her indigestion to increase to the point her oncologist thought she was having a heart attack. We spent a couple hours in the E.R. and they told us it was, indeed, indigestion. I don't blame the doctor for thinking she might be having a heart attack because her family is generously laced with heart disease and Adriamycin has the reputation of taking advantage of any underlying heart problems that already exist as well as causing heart problems of its own, if given the chance. After the whole indigestion issue, the doctors thought taking a stress test would be a good idea, just in case there are some problems they didn't pick up before or if the Adriamycin had already caused her heart to change for the worst. She passed the stress test with flying colors. After walking quickly for 45 minutes, she said she hadn't felt that good in a long time.
Then we started the battle with insurance. Insurance has insisted they know more than the doctors do. They say she needs special authorization for any meds that have no generic form. For example, Kapidex. Kapidex is a brand-new indigestion medication. It's so new, many pharmacies don't have it. When insurance questioned it being prescribed to her because it had no generic form, all of a sudden there was a GIANT mix-up. The pharmacy said insurance needed to hear from my mom's oncologist to know why she needed Kapidex. Her oncologist said they had already talked to insurance - and so it went back and forth like that. I'm not a genius or anything, but the insurance company is OBVIOUSLY jerking everyone around. My father works very hard to have insurance, yet they have no respect. They are "just doing their job"...I bet sitting behind a desk, filling out paperwork is a hard chore. I bet they think driving to Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville, Horsecave or anywhere else in the mid-west, hauling two trailers with all these other stupid drivers out on the road, getting stuck at a hotel away from their families because they ran out of overtime or working overnight Christmas Eve would be soooo much more fun and less of a chore than filling out paperwork in a cubical Monday through Friday, 8am - 5pm. No respect.
My mom then reaches the half-way point. She starts another chemotherapy treatment called Taxal. It is so potent they have to give her Tagamet and Benedryl before she can actually start each treatment, as well as taking a steroid so many hours before having the Taxal. Her treatments at this point are every other week, same as before. Her first treatment didn't go so well. Taxal can cause Restless Leg Syndrome and Benedryl can intensify it. Well, my mom already has that, so it intensified 10-fold. Think I'm joking? Trust me, I just about got kicked in the head at one point...LMAO. Oh MAN was my mom in a bad mood that day. I don't blame her though. If she sat down, the RLS got worse. If she stood up, she'd fall asleep and just about fall over. Hermione suggested she take a Xanax - "NO PROBLEM!," my mom exclaimed...
Then she started coughing. She kept saying she had "a tickle" in her throat. As she kept dozing off, the cough got stronger and the bouts got closer together. I asked Hermione about it. She said something wasn't right. As Hum and another nurse checked her out, they noticed a nasty welt on the side of her neck that was spreading to her chest. They immediately stopped the Taxal and gave her another steroid and informed us she was having a minor reaction to the chemo. At least it was a minor reaction. During the previous treatment, my parents had witnessed what a major reaction to the Taxal could be. Apparently, a minor reaction is not enough to switch her chemo treatment. She only had three more left.
When she went in for her third Taxal treatment, she had already met with a radiologist and he had informed us that she WOULD have to have radiation even though we were told she wouldn't have to have it. In the beginning, we were told she wouldn't have to have it because only the cancer in her right breast was invasive, the cancer in her left was not. This "wise-guy" said she would have to have it because what little cancer she had was satellited and it would lower the risk of the cancer coming back in her chest wall. "Once it hits one lymph node, we have to assume it is somewhere else as well," he had said. Sorry, I am bitter about this guy. He had a bad tone and didn't understand why we were confused. He was very arrogant in the way that he thought his shit didn't stink. You could tell he felt like what he says, goes, period.
Anyway, back to the third Taxal treatment. So she was already upset about the doctors misleading us when Doctor Mayer asked her about a tingling sensation in her fingers and toes. "They aren't tingling. They're flat out numb." Doctor Mayer didn't like that response so she gave us a choice. Her treatment needed to be switched. The only thing they could switch it to is called Taxotere. It was a cousin of Taxal, it was more potent than Taxal and it would change when she was finished with her chemotherapy. She could start the Taxotere right then and then wait three weeks for her next treatment to get her counts up or she could go ahead and do the Taxal right then, wait three weeks to do the Taxotere, then wait three more weeks before she could have her surgery. Choice 2 was not an option for any of us. That meant postponing her surgery when she had kept her treatments on the weeks of Thanksgiving and Christmas so it wouldn't do that in the first place. My mom, of course, agreed with Doctor Mayer and I that if she truly wanted it all over as soon as possible, she should opt to start the Taxotere right away.
Now all of this was going on at the hospital, Doctor Mayer's office, Doctor King's office or Doctor Lee's office. What I haven't mentioned is the pain she had to deal with at home. She had physical pain AND emotional pain. The physical pain was obviously related to her chemo. She still had the "crashing" which is totally normal - the extreme fatigue, the arthritic pain (which wasn't as bad as we had heard it would be), the RLS, the strange food cravings, hot flashes (actually menopause, in general), the extreme pain of her bone marrow rejuvenating, and extreme skin sensitivity to touch more than sunlight or cold or wind. My mom would take those physical pains over her emotional pains any day.
The emotional pain of dealing with the idiots in administration and clerical at the hospital was the biggest problem out of all. We've had a woman treat my mom terribly and do all but spit on her. We've had a woman lie and try to cover it up, a woman tell us they accept one insurance and not the other, people try to tell us what our insurance covers and doesn't cover (yet our agent tells us something completely different), and because of these idiots that think they know more than they actually do, the hospital NOW REFUSES to submit certain bills to insurance because THEY say they HAVE submitted it when INSURANCE says they HAVE NOT. Pardon my outbursts, but it is times like these that make me wonder: How could it get much worse? How is it God has not started the Revelations Chapter in this life? Don't get me wrong, I trust God. He/She is all-knowing, almighty, merciful and wonderful. But it's times like these I wish I actually lived in the movie Boondock Saints.
Holy CRAP would I be ONE HELL of an ACTION HERO!!!
To family, friends and everyone else that has been there for us: THANK YOU! We are humbled at the number of you that were actually there for us. We never could have imagined such a wonderful group of people. WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Next Chemotherapy: January 26th, 2010, 12pm
Bi-Lateral Mastectomy Surgery: February 16th, 2010
Spacers for Reconstruction Surgery: February 16th, 2010
Radiation: TBA - no sooner than 2 weeks after Spacer Reconstruction Surgery, M-F for 5-6 weeks
Then we started the battle with insurance. Insurance has insisted they know more than the doctors do. They say she needs special authorization for any meds that have no generic form. For example, Kapidex. Kapidex is a brand-new indigestion medication. It's so new, many pharmacies don't have it. When insurance questioned it being prescribed to her because it had no generic form, all of a sudden there was a GIANT mix-up. The pharmacy said insurance needed to hear from my mom's oncologist to know why she needed Kapidex. Her oncologist said they had already talked to insurance - and so it went back and forth like that. I'm not a genius or anything, but the insurance company is OBVIOUSLY jerking everyone around. My father works very hard to have insurance, yet they have no respect. They are "just doing their job"...I bet sitting behind a desk, filling out paperwork is a hard chore. I bet they think driving to Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville, Horsecave or anywhere else in the mid-west, hauling two trailers with all these other stupid drivers out on the road, getting stuck at a hotel away from their families because they ran out of overtime or working overnight Christmas Eve would be soooo much more fun and less of a chore than filling out paperwork in a cubical Monday through Friday, 8am - 5pm. No respect.
My mom then reaches the half-way point. She starts another chemotherapy treatment called Taxal. It is so potent they have to give her Tagamet and Benedryl before she can actually start each treatment, as well as taking a steroid so many hours before having the Taxal. Her treatments at this point are every other week, same as before. Her first treatment didn't go so well. Taxal can cause Restless Leg Syndrome and Benedryl can intensify it. Well, my mom already has that, so it intensified 10-fold. Think I'm joking? Trust me, I just about got kicked in the head at one point...LMAO. Oh MAN was my mom in a bad mood that day. I don't blame her though. If she sat down, the RLS got worse. If she stood up, she'd fall asleep and just about fall over. Hermione suggested she take a Xanax - "NO PROBLEM!," my mom exclaimed...
Then she started coughing. She kept saying she had "a tickle" in her throat. As she kept dozing off, the cough got stronger and the bouts got closer together. I asked Hermione about it. She said something wasn't right. As Hum and another nurse checked her out, they noticed a nasty welt on the side of her neck that was spreading to her chest. They immediately stopped the Taxal and gave her another steroid and informed us she was having a minor reaction to the chemo. At least it was a minor reaction. During the previous treatment, my parents had witnessed what a major reaction to the Taxal could be. Apparently, a minor reaction is not enough to switch her chemo treatment. She only had three more left.
When she went in for her third Taxal treatment, she had already met with a radiologist and he had informed us that she WOULD have to have radiation even though we were told she wouldn't have to have it. In the beginning, we were told she wouldn't have to have it because only the cancer in her right breast was invasive, the cancer in her left was not. This "wise-guy" said she would have to have it because what little cancer she had was satellited and it would lower the risk of the cancer coming back in her chest wall. "Once it hits one lymph node, we have to assume it is somewhere else as well," he had said. Sorry, I am bitter about this guy. He had a bad tone and didn't understand why we were confused. He was very arrogant in the way that he thought his shit didn't stink. You could tell he felt like what he says, goes, period.
Anyway, back to the third Taxal treatment. So she was already upset about the doctors misleading us when Doctor Mayer asked her about a tingling sensation in her fingers and toes. "They aren't tingling. They're flat out numb." Doctor Mayer didn't like that response so she gave us a choice. Her treatment needed to be switched. The only thing they could switch it to is called Taxotere. It was a cousin of Taxal, it was more potent than Taxal and it would change when she was finished with her chemotherapy. She could start the Taxotere right then and then wait three weeks for her next treatment to get her counts up or she could go ahead and do the Taxal right then, wait three weeks to do the Taxotere, then wait three more weeks before she could have her surgery. Choice 2 was not an option for any of us. That meant postponing her surgery when she had kept her treatments on the weeks of Thanksgiving and Christmas so it wouldn't do that in the first place. My mom, of course, agreed with Doctor Mayer and I that if she truly wanted it all over as soon as possible, she should opt to start the Taxotere right away.
Now all of this was going on at the hospital, Doctor Mayer's office, Doctor King's office or Doctor Lee's office. What I haven't mentioned is the pain she had to deal with at home. She had physical pain AND emotional pain. The physical pain was obviously related to her chemo. She still had the "crashing" which is totally normal - the extreme fatigue, the arthritic pain (which wasn't as bad as we had heard it would be), the RLS, the strange food cravings, hot flashes (actually menopause, in general), the extreme pain of her bone marrow rejuvenating, and extreme skin sensitivity to touch more than sunlight or cold or wind. My mom would take those physical pains over her emotional pains any day.
The emotional pain of dealing with the idiots in administration and clerical at the hospital was the biggest problem out of all. We've had a woman treat my mom terribly and do all but spit on her. We've had a woman lie and try to cover it up, a woman tell us they accept one insurance and not the other, people try to tell us what our insurance covers and doesn't cover (yet our agent tells us something completely different), and because of these idiots that think they know more than they actually do, the hospital NOW REFUSES to submit certain bills to insurance because THEY say they HAVE submitted it when INSURANCE says they HAVE NOT. Pardon my outbursts, but it is times like these that make me wonder: How could it get much worse? How is it God has not started the Revelations Chapter in this life? Don't get me wrong, I trust God. He/She is all-knowing, almighty, merciful and wonderful. But it's times like these I wish I actually lived in the movie Boondock Saints.
Holy CRAP would I be ONE HELL of an ACTION HERO!!!
To family, friends and everyone else that has been there for us: THANK YOU! We are humbled at the number of you that were actually there for us. We never could have imagined such a wonderful group of people. WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Next Chemotherapy: January 26th, 2010, 12pm
Bi-Lateral Mastectomy Surgery: February 16th, 2010
Spacers for Reconstruction Surgery: February 16th, 2010
Radiation: TBA - no sooner than 2 weeks after Spacer Reconstruction Surgery, M-F for 5-6 weeks
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