When my sister and mom got home from work, we got into my dad's car and started driving to Seymour. We weren't sure what to expect. We'd heard it was bad. We'd heard we wouldn't recognize her. We also heard she would probably be medicated to make her comfortable. We already knew she probably wouldn't remember any of us because it's been that way for 10 years. She had advanced dementia, high blood pressure, a pacemaker - you name it. We were still so proud she'd made it as long as she has. She's 90 years old. We have five generations of females alive as of right now. Not many families can say that.
When we got to the Lutheran Community Home an alarm was going off and we couldn't get in. Apparently one of the patients had tried to escape so no one could leave or enter. We called the front desk and explained we were called in to see our Grandmother. The nice lady asked what unit she was in and we didn't know, but I barely got out her first name and the nurse immediately said she'd be right there. This worried us a little. We thought maybe she'd already passed on. My mom started to panic. I told her to quit expecting the worst. I told her most likely they just felt bad it was taking them so long to get the alarm and lockdown system taken care of when we needed to see a family member as soon as possible.
We stopped at the bathroom because of all the McDonald's tea we'd drank on the way down, but I think primarily it was to gather our wits and clear our mind. I know I wanted to be rid of the preconceived notions of what we were about to encounter. Plus, I'd always had a problem with this home because it always seemed so dirty and smelled - and I was chased down the hall one time by an old lady in a wheel chair that swore I was her daughter the last time I was there, but that's another story for another time.
The building had been redone, the food and the building smelled great and the only joke made was that they probably should've consulted with my sister about the new interior design - LMAO...it helped lighten our mood. I'm sorry, but the design was just plain awful. It was like the Red & Gold Fairy had thrown up all over the place and a little Blue & Green Pixie had tried to graffiti on everything.
Anyways, we found her room and went in. She was by the window so we actually saw her roommate first. Her name was Lois as well. When we reached Grandmother's side of the room, we were in awe. She looked AMAZING! Her teeth were white as snow, she'd lost a proper amount of weight, her skin was super soft and her nails had been painted red. Her hair was the longest any of us had ever seen. She was sleeping and had a cool washcloth on her forehead which led us to believe she had a fever. I gently touched her face and she still felt warm and the washcloth on her forehead was warm too. I found another cool one and changed it for her. Her skin was so soft and felt extremely healthy.
Mom tried to wake her, but I wanted to talk to a caretaker before we tried too hard in case there was a reason we shouldn't continue trying to wake her. I went around the corner and talked to a male caretaker. I asked him if she was medicated. He said she was on a low dose of morphine every six hours or so to keep her comfortable. I asked if that was why she was so unresponsive. He said unfortunately, that had little to do with it. He said she ate pretty well yesterday, but since then she'd been almost entirely unresponsive and she hadn't eaten anything today. It was almost as if he could read my mind because the next thing he said was, "if you want to try to wake her and get her to respond that would be fine - great, in fact." I told him thank you and returned to the room and informed my mom what the caretaker had told me.
We talked to her while she slept and snored to beat the band for about 10 minutes or so until her hospice nurse came in to talk to us. She had very little to say at first, but as you all know - I took care of that. I asked if they were worried about pneumonia or if they were turning her occasionally. She said yes, they were making sure she was getting moved around and that the nurses were about to come in and do that now.
I asked about the morphine and she explained the dosage and that she could have more if we noticed she was in pain while we were there. At that time, the nurses came in to move her around so we all left the room to continue the discussion in the hall while the nurses did their jobs. One nurse told us there was a cart of food, water and coffee for us waiting outside the room and to help ourselves. Raigen jumped all over that. My mom and I were excited about the coffee - LOL.
While in the hall with the hospice nurse, she explained her and another hospice nurse were on call constantly. I started asking the harder questions. I asked what exactly the issue was. The hospice nurse said it was mostly her dementia and that it was just her time to go. She normally has high blood pressure, but now she was on the low end of normal. They'd stopped giving her all her medications - no seizure meds, no blood pressure meds, not even her diabetes medications - because at this point it wouldn't do her any good. It might even speed things up for the worst.
Then I asked it. I had to. "How long?" The hospice nurse was very professional. She said her professional opinion was that there was no way to tell for sure, but based on her unresponsiveness, she had days at most. We took it better than I expected, but as anyone can imagine it was still painful. While the hospice nurse was talking I swore I kept hearing Great Grandmother call out. By the time our hallway discussion was over, the nurses were done moving her so we went back in the room.
She looked more comfortable and she was facing the window. I walked around her bed to see her face because I noticed she wasn't snoring anymore and I jumped for joy because her eyes were open! I immediately started talking to her. I introduced myself and told her who all was there. I told her my sister had something exciting to tell her. At first we thought maybe she was out of it, but I got my sister to come around the bed by me and she told Great Grandmother she was engaged. Tracey showed her the ring and she SMILED! Tracey talked to her for a bit about how Jimmy proposed to her and when they were getting married and Grandmother just smiled and smiled and SMILED!
We told her how beautiful she looked. We told her how we were jealous of how perfect her teeth were and how I was jealous at how perfect her feet were. We told her it was nice to see her big baby blues just a showin' and twinklin'. She acted like she wanted to speak. I asked her if she was hungry because if she was I could get her something to eat if she wanted it. Then I asked her again if she wanted something to eat and she said "YEAH" plain as day. My heart damn near jumped out of my chest to hear her speak and respond when the nurses said they couldn't get her to respond at all, let alone eat. I sprinted to the nurses station and told them. At first they looked at me in shock as if they couldn't believe it either, but I think the excitement on my face convinced them I knew what I heard.
While the nurses got her some food I went back in the room and told her to be patient that food was coming. Mom and Tracey kept talking to her too. For the most part we were just trying to keep her awake so we could get some food in her. The nurses came in and were surprised when they noticed she was still awake and responding. They sat her up and gave her some orange juice. She had trouble swallowing at first, almost like she'd forgotten how, but between the nurses and us she finally got it figured out. She was doing so good with the orange juice they gave her some chicken. She did amazing! It even got to the point where we didn't have to keep reminding her to swallow because she started doing it on her own!!!
There was one point that made me want to cry, but they would've been tears of joy. My sister has a knack for people with disabilities and such. She's an aid at Monrovia for the Special Education kids. She knows how to get them to respond. At this point, Great Grandmother had only responded with her face. My mom and Raigen had gone to the bathroom. Tracey and I noticed it seemed like she was trying to move her right arm. It was pretty warm and her arms were under the covers so I moved the blanket, lifted her arm and put it on top of the blanket. She smiled as if to say thank you.
Then my sister did something that just mesmerized me. She reached out and held Grandmother's hand. Grandmother seemed like she liked it so my sister did her thing and asked, "Lois, I'm holding your hand. Your hand is very soft. Can you squeeze my hand back?" Sure enough, it took her moving each finger seperately a little bit at a time, but she squeezed back! We told her how great of a job she was doing and she smiled again. After holding her hand for a while my sister said, "Lois, your hand feels very soft, but now, can you relax your hand and release my hand?" Again, each finger seperately and a little bit at a time, she released my sister's hand. My sister told her how wonderful she'd done. Grandmother smiled again.
We all talked to her for a little while longer. I reintroduced everyone again. I let her see how Raigen got her red hair since it skipped me and my sister's generation. Then something funny happened. Grandmother plays this game. She always has. When she doesn't know what to say or do, she pretends she's asleep then when you look or walk away, she'll open her eyes. My sister had made a comment that talking to her like she's a child may help her to understand easier and this gave me an idea.
I thought maybe she'd like to make her game a real one. She kept closing her eyes and it was obvious she was faking sleep. When she opened her eyes again I explained to her that if she kept pretending to sleep I was going to play a game with her. Well, sure enough, she smirked and closed her eyes again. I covered my face and peeked between my fingers. Everyone got quiet. The silence must have made her curious because she opened her eyes and when she did, I took my hands off my face and said, "PEEK-A-BOO!" She smirked and squinted at me like I was crazy then closed her eyes again. I covered my face and did the same thing. When she opened her eyes, I took my hands off my face again and said, "PEEK-A-BOO!" She smiled so big and made a noise like she was trying to laugh. If she could've laughed I really believe she would've.
We did it several more times. At one time, she kept her eyes closed for almost a full minute trying to trick me. I took my hands off my face and started to walk away. Then I noticed she was trying to peek out of one eye. I hurried back, covered my face and said, "PEEK-A-BOO!" one last time. I told her how she'd almost tricked me. Then Raigen tried it with her. We also explained to her how Dora the Explorer says, "boo-hoo" instead of "peek-a-boo" but we don't like saying it that way because the phrase "boo-hoo" seems sad.
After our game of "peek-a-boo" she got pretty wore out. She started grimacing in pain. I mentioned something to the nurse and they came in and moved her again. I think she was trying to fight sleep. I think she was truly entertained whether she remembered us or not. We knew she needed the sleep so Mom suggested Raigen sing to her. Raigen sang her ABC's and Great Grandmother grinned ear to ear the whole time. Then Raigen sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Grandmother seemed like she was trying to sing it with her. Raigen wanted me to sing Hush Little Baby because that's her favorite song for me to sing to her. I sang it. Pretty soon, she was asleep, yet smiling.
It was awesome being there with her. I am glad we went and I don't have any regrets. If we hadn't gone because of what we'd heard, not just me, but every single one of us would've regretted it. For those nurses and caretakers to tell us they couldn't get her to respond and we practically had a play-day with her was one of the most wonderful things I've ever experienced. She knows now, she's not alone. She knows now, she has real family and not just random faces coming in to bother and pester her every so often.
Another good thing is, she has two of the best nurses taking care of her. There is one young girl named Jessica. She tells Lois she loves her and she sounds genuine like she's family. I just think that is amazing. I can't remember the other nurses name, but she was happy for us. She was happy we got her to respond. She said it was rare for a patient to be at her level and suddenly start responding. She even got in trouble for us because we wanted Grandmother to eat and the evil nurse didn't because if she'd gotten sick she didn't want to have to clean it up. She was crazy. She was yelling at a patient that was still hungry and had stolen a dirty plate off the dish cart and started eating the scraps off of it while we were on our way out. Poor lady, if I was her, I'd thrown the plate at her and said, "THEN GET ME SOME MORE FREAKING FOOD! I'M STILL HUNGRY DAMNIT!"
Once we knew she was asleep for the night, we all gave her kisses and whispered good-bye. Raigen melted my heart. She saw how we were telling her bye and she started pulling on my shirt and she says, "I wanna give Great Grandmother Lois a kiss good-bye too." So I told her to go over by my mom and my mom lifted her up. It was the most precious thing and I couldn't be more proud of my daughter to be so positive and supportive in a time like this.
Lord, thank you for my family. Thank you for giving me a family that understands that no matter what, family sticks together. Thank you for giving my Great Grandmother a wonderful life full of kids, grand-kids, great grand-kids, peanut butter fudge and putting on Christmas parties that would make Bill Gates jealous.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
WE LOVE YOU, GRANDMOTHER.
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