My Own Shakespearian Betrayal

Now that I have recovered enough mentally, emotionally AND physically from one of the worst things that anyone has ever done to me, I feel writing about it will help in the healing process even more. This is in no way an attempt for anyone reading this to take my side. This is just a way for me to hope maybe this will make me feel better. God knows because of the randomness, I know I will never understand it. I DEFINITELY don't expect any feedback or sympathy or especially pity. I just want to be heard.

Many of you know I was dating a guy named Ronnie Wilson. He was a friend of mine in school and because he had never done me wrong I trusted him whole-heartedly. He left his baby momma when his son was 2 months old and, skipping some details of getting together and such, we'd been dating for four months. We'd had no disagreement, no arguments, nothing but bliss.

No man had EVER treated me so well or been liked by my parents as well either. His son is two now. In the four months we've been together I have watched his son for him, discovered his son was allergic to polyester and raised him as my own. Ronnie and Logan were the first to bring out that caring instinct I'd thought had long disappeared. Ronnie would tell me more than three times a day how much he missed me and that he was excited that he'd be having a short work week at work over Christmas and New Years, but it didn't matter about the money because this all meant he could spend more time with Raigen and I over break.

Everytime his son would get to his house I would get a text saying, "Logan's been here less than five minutes and hes asking where you and Raigen are". A little over a week ago, he text me some pictures of a vacation spot and told me that was where he wanted to take me when he got his tax check. One night he was bitching about his room mates and I said, "then why don't you just move in with me?" His response was, "serious?!?! YES!! I'm falling for you Kristy. You make me so happy and I didn't think that would ever happen again. Just give me 'til February so I can give Jay notice."

I was so ecstatic. He was going to help me fix my stove, he was taking me on vacation - no man had ever wanted to do that before - he was giving me a washer and dryer, my daughter loved him as a father. He'd even asked me to help him write a book. It was my fairytale. I was finally getting what my daughter and I deserved.

Then a week and a half before Christmas, I ask him if he and Logan are coming over that following Sunday and his response is "for sure". Then nothing. That Sunday, I text him twice asking if everything was ok. No response. Then I get this jumbled message I had to decipher over Facebook that said "my phone broke." I responded with "your phone is broke? So you're not coming over?" Then nothing.

Three days later, after worrying my ass off and having a friend of mine leave messages at work for him because I just wanted to make sure he was ok and all of it just seemed weird, I finally got the nerve to stop by his house and make sure he was alive. He acted completely surprised I was there. He kissed me, hugged me over and over because he could tell I was pretty shaken up over being worried about him, goofed around for a bit, he apologized again because with todays technology there shouldn't be any excuse he couldn't have at least let me know he was ok until he got his new phone and HE was the one who said that, not me.

I had to go to work, but before I left we kissed again and I let him know my landlord approved him moving in and that he was excited I'd finally found a decent man. Ronnie said that was good. On my way out the door, he handed me a movie to watch.

I never did ask him why it was he never made it over that Sunday because his phone breaking is a pretty dumb excuse.

The next day, I'd sent him a couple texts: one "I miss you" and one "how was your day?" just our normal stuff and no response. Then I get this text that says he needs to come over and talk at 930p. I knew as soon as I read it something was wrong. I racked my brain for something I'd done wrong. I couldn't come up with anything. I fell asleep on the couch, but he showed up and he was very fidgety...

He explained to me that when Brittany came to pick Logan up the Sunday he never showed at my house, Logan tried to push his and Brittany's heads together to kiss and they did. I didn't see where this was a big deal because Raigen had done that a MILLION times when she was that age. Apparently this was enough for Ronnie to say he was leaving me because he didn't want his child growing up with his parents not being together.

I understand he's thinking he's doing it for his son. What doesn't make sense is that he's told me the stories about what Brittany has done to him. How he can't have a conversation with her because she doesn't understand some of the words he says, meaning her vocabulary is smaller than his. How she's hit him because she knows he won't hit her back. How she gets pissed because he's asked Brittany nicely not to feed Logan so much junk food and pop, but she insists on doing it anyways. I've heard even worse stories from his friends. All these horrible bad things he's told me about her, but he leaves something that is unbelievably perfect, something that would've made his son happier in the long run, for something that is going to make him miserable, something that his son is going to grow up thinking its ok for parents to treat each other the way they do.

Logan saw Ronnie and I kiss and cuddle for four months. He's GOING to think that's what people do. He doesn't understand relationships. Logan did it because he thinks that's what people do and Raigen did it as well. Ronnie's excuse was that I didn't know what it was like to grow up with divorced parents, yet he always said his Step-dad probably saved his life and he loved him to death. My daughter's parents are divorced and you could ask my ex-husband that if we hadn't gotten divorced, Raigen would not be near the great kid she is today.

My family found out about all of this over Christmas, including my ex-husband. Scott said he was sorry he actually liked the guy and that he's been through exactly what Ronnie's going through and that they won't last. If he pulled the asshole card and left Brittany when his son was 2 month old, it'll happen again, but the longer he waits, the more damage it will do to Logan. He should've just stayed with me and we could've given Logan and Raigen the lives they deserve - a STEADY household. My family said that nothing was making sense and he must be pretty fucked up in the head and it wouldn't last. They asked how much I loved him. I told them I would've taken a bullet for him. I would've sacrificed myself for him. I would've walked to the ends of the Earth for him. I've never said that about anyone in my entire life and it was because we've known each other forever and I trusted him more than I trusted myself.

Then my Grandma asks, "if he realizes how stupid he was, do you think he would come back?" My answer was no. Then she asked, "would you want him to come back?" My answer was yes. Her final question was, "would you take him back?" My answer was, "I don't feel like I am in the right state of mind to answer that at this time. I am having to go to therapy because since none of it made sense I lost my temper physically this time. My hand was the grossest thing I've ever seen and my kitchen looks like I murdered someone in it.

Here's another messed up part. I have NEVER physically lost my temper over a guy. I've always just blown it off because it's not like it's real hard for me to find someone - not trying to brag, just being honest - but Ronnie completed me- HE GOT ME...we had almost everything in common. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." He told me that I got him (understood him). Then as he walks out my door he tries to tell me he meant everything he said. How the FUCK is that possible?!?!

Instead, my daughter doesn't understand why someone who cared for me and her and told us so more than once every single day, would just leave to be miserable. I was so blindsided. Within a week it was: I'm moving in with you and falling for you and I'm happy and taking you on vacation and can't wait to treat you better than you've ever been treated before to I'm going back to a girl I left when my son was 2 months old because she was a psychopath. When I told him about how much of a liar he was he tried to tell me about how much he cared, but I interrupted and told him he better not dare patronize me because I am not a fucking idiot.

Another question pops into my mind. He left me to "whatever" with Brittany, whom his friends and himself have made fun of repetitively in the four months we dated officially, because she had his child. What if - and this is STRICTLY just a "what if" - but what if I was pregnant right now? What would he try to do then, be with both of us? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...the look on his face if I told him that would be enough to laugh at for a lifetime. I'm sorry if some of this sounds harsh or spiteful, but things were perfect and he left that to hide behind his child instead of thoroughly thinking about how much better things would be for Logan if he was in a relationship where they didn't fight or try not to beat the hell out of each other constantly.

For the record, I don't know Brittany and I liked her. She tried getting Logan to hug me and tell me bye when Ronnie and I first started dating. It took a while for Logan to warm up to me, but that's normal in kids that age. All of this is based from what people I loved and trusted told me about her. These are NOT my assumptions.

This is not your typical Shakespeare love story tragedy...this is real life...and I understand life is a bitch and not fair, but I didn't deserve this and neither did my daughter...not so unexpectedly...not when I thought he was the most brilliant, unbiased, logical man I'd ever met...this is a story of betrayal...

What keeps me going every day, besides my daughter, is the fact that I know at some point, if he hasn't already, Logan is going to ask about Raigen and possibly even me...and Ronnie and Brittany are just going to explain that it's not going to happen anymore...just like they could've when he tried to push their heads together...

...and I still think about how I would STILL take a bullet for him...so when Brittany pulls one of her episodes I've heard about, make sure someone calls me...